"Mammaloves you, Luca," I say, my voice clogged with emotion, "so, so very much."
He doesn't respond, and I'm rather relieved he doesn't, because that would mean he lovesthatwoman, and not me.
He pulls back slightly, his eyes shrewdly assessing me.
I finally give in to my wish and touch my hand to his cheek, feeling his warmth.
"You're such a good boy, Luca. Yourpapamust be proud of you." I praise him, bringing the conversation to a more comfortable topic.
"He is," he immediately replies. "He always tells me he's proud of me." For the first time, Luca gives me a full smile, his small white teeth glinting in the sunlight.
"I'm proud of you too, you know." His eyes widen in wonder, and I feel compelled to continue. "I may never say it, but I am. You're my darling boy," I say, circling my thumb across his cheek, imprinting this moment in my memory.
It will be my anchor as I set out to take back everything they stole from me.
"Signora," the governess's voice startles me. I drop my hand from Luca, and I say a short goodbye.
He's quickly immersed in his Legos again and doesn't even seem to notice me leaving.
Ignoring the cramps in my legs, I hold it all in as I put on my best nonchalant expression, wiping the tears from my face to make sure I don't come across as odd.
"Thank you. I'm going to leave now," I say before reluctantly removing my gaze from Luca and leaving the room. I walk out slowly, holding on to the railing of the staircase to avoid any more injury to my legs.
All the while, I feel something new blooming inside my chest. Something familiar yet foreign.
He called me mamma.
I'm still stunned, replaying his soft voice in my head as he'd said the word.
It's everything I needed to push through.
Wait for me, Luca… Mamma is coming back.
50
ALLEGRA
Crouching in front of Luca,I help him put on his shoes. Time and stubborn determination have ensured that my legs have recovered their mobility. I'm almost as flexible as I was pre-coma, and it makes me all the happier when I can put my newly found physical freedom to use with Luca.
I'd taken maximum advantage of the times I could sneak in and meet him, and for weeks now, both Luca and his governess have thawed a little towards me. I guess I'm lucky that Chiara is mostly away and Enzo is so busy with whatever he's doing or whoever he's fucking that he isn't at home during the day.
"Do you like the shoes?" I ask him after I finish tying his laces. He peers down at the navy-blue sneakers, wiggling his toes inside them. A slow movement of his head shows his approval, and a smile spreads across my face.
The first pair of shoes I bought him.
The first of many.
I've tried not to go overboard with my displays of affection or gifts because I hadn't wanted to confuse him—one minute he's got a careless, almost nonexistent mother and the next hehas an obsessive one. It's been hard to temper myself when all I want is to take him with me, away from all these people.
But I can't. Not yet, anyway.
"They feel nice," he comments as he jumps off the bench, walking a few steps before taking off in a sprint toward the back of the house.
"Hey, wait for me," I call out, amused. I start running too, slowly at first, gaining speed as my legs get used to the motion.
He giggles, a sound that's like a balm to my heart, running in circles around a tree.
"You can't catch me,mamma," he says, looking behind him, his hair flying in the wind, a carefree smile on his face.
