Still, that means I'm taking care of Luca full-time.
"Son, are you listening to me?" my father shakes me, and my eyes jerk wide open.
When was the last time I had a full night of sleep?
"Sorry, can you repeat that?"
"You need to hire a nanny. You can't go on like this, Enzo," my father says skeptically.
"No. I don't trust anyone else with Luca," I reply tersely. Anyone but Allegra, but nowadays I wouldn't trust her either.
"Son, this is a woman's job. You have more important things to do. The meeting with the Russians is soon. Don't tell me you're going to take your baby to the meeting. They'll all laugh in your face and bye-bye deal."
"I'll manage, OK?"
"No, you won't. You're getting a nanny and that's that. I won't have my heir be the butt of jokes because he insists on playing the wet nurse."
"He's my son, Father," I grit my teeth, trying to keep myself from exploding.
"He can be your son from a distance too." Father shakes his head, pushing his glasses up his nose to study some documents—a sign I've been dismissed.
In the afternoon, I take Luca to seemamanMargot and I'm happy to see them getting along so well, since she's going to be a fixture in his life.
"I want you to be his godmother," I ask her as she holds Luca in her arms, gazing lovingly at him.
Like Allegra should have.
Not going there.
"Of course I will. He's my little angel." She leans down to kiss his nose before turning to me again. "How's your wife? Labor is hard on women, you know. I hope you're not pressuring her to…" she trails off when I start laughing.
"That's the last thing you should worry about,maman."It's not only her sudden change in attitude, but there's also something physically off-putting about her. In the time she's been discharged from the hospital, I haven't had one lustful thought about her, even though her figure is plumper, more enchanting with the fullness of motherhood.
I look at her and I don't feelanything.
I'd been ashamed of myself, thinking that she'd gone throughsuch an ordeal to give me Luca, and now I was disgusted by her body.
"Be kind to her. She's probably weak right now, both physically and emotionally."
I listen attentively tomaman's advice, promising to behave myself and be mindful of my wife's mental state.
But when I arrive home, I'm once again struck by the behavioral difference in Allegra. She's barking orders at Ana and the other staff, her voice full of irate superiority.
"Allegra," I start, and she finally turns toward me. "Shut up," I say as I grab her by the hand to take her upstairs.
"What?" She has the audacity to bat her lashes at me, as if I'd fall for that trick.
"I get that you're going through something, but that doesn't mean you can abuse the staff," I tell her, and she merely shrugs.
"I'm going to put Luca to bed." I don't bother to look back as I head directly to my room, bathing him and dressing him in clean clothes before lying down on the bed with him.
I'd found it easier to just sleep with him next to me than to move back and forth between the bed and the cradle.
It's only when Luca comes down with a bad case of colic that I finally give in and hire a wet nurse, spending hours poring over resumes and interviewing all potential candidates before approving Mrs. Marshall, a thirty-something-year-old lady who seems to have a way with babies.
The addition of a wet nurse comes at the perfect time for Luca's christening, and Father has made it clear that this is more a business deal than anything, since the Russians will be in attendance.
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