Because when daylight came, he was back to his indifferent self. It was like I didn't matter. That's when I realized how easy it was for him to slake his lust on my body, yet pretend I didn't exist when he didn't need me.
I'd realized how pathetic I'd become.
So starved was I for any crumb of affection that once again I allowed my heart to melt a little for him.
Not anymore.
Since I saw that his only use for me was sex, I decided to treat our encounters between the sheets with the same nonchalance he did. Everyone has sex, right? I shouldn't put any importance on it.
I forced myself to close my heart to him and do what men are so good at doing—treat our carnal affair as if there were no strings attached.
It took me a while to stop pining, to stop feeling this pang in my heart whenever I saw him.
But I did it.
And so another plan had started to take shape—freedom.
I don't want to be a prisoner for my entire life. I know there's a life for me out there—away from the mob, and away from Enzo.
So I started planning, observing, concocting.
I used my diary to write all of my ideas, strategizing like a seasoned war general. I noted the position of the guards, the times between their shifts, as well as individual characteristics of all the men around the house. I observed where the weaknesses lay in the security, and I plan to take full advantage of that when the time comes.
I'd also stashed away pawnable stuff—things that would help me get on my feet once I'm as far away from here as possible.
I'd been so proud of myself—almost a year had passed, but I was confident that my plan would succeed.
Now, with less than one month left untiltheday, I feel slightly nostalgic. I'm still staunch in my conviction that Ineedto leave. But at night, I find myself reaching out for Enzo more, seeking the heat of his body, letting him take me hard and fast in a way that sends me over the edge, teetering on the precipice, knowing that if I truly fall I can never recover.
Because while I'd repressed my feelings for him, I'm still worried that a day might come when the seal would break, my emotions spilling with an intensity I'mnotready to face.
Feeling a little dizzy, I blink my eyes twice, trying to regain my balance.
Water… I need water.
I make my way to the kitchen, pour myself a glass, and runinto Enzo. His face as emotionless as I'd come to expect, he comes closer to me, a frown marring his perfect features.
But just as he's less than one foot away, a pungent smell hits me—that blasted perfume. My eyes widen for a moment before everything I'd eaten that morning comes rushing back. I make it to the sink in record time, emptying the contents of my stomach, and those of my heart.
He was with her… again.
It's always the same smell, so I know it has to be the same woman.
Does he love her?
He must, since he's been with her from the very beginning.
Does she even know he's also sleeping with me? The thought almost makes me laugh, if I weren't in this awkward position, bent over the sink, the faucet running as I splash water onto my face.
But I don't care, right? I have my own plans, and soon he's going to be an afterthought—nothing else.
"Are you okay?" he asks, trying to help me to a chair.
"Yeah, I'm fine now."
"Has this happened before?"
"No," I tell him curtly.
