My mother cared for me—to some degree at least.
My head is a swirl of thoughts, my heart a mess of emotions. I don’t know how to feel about this confession.
I turn to face him. “How come you never told me?”
He blows out a breath. “Didn’t think it would do you any good. Thought it would just mess you up more. You had come such a long way in that year. Your nightmares were subsiding, you were healing, and I really didn’t think she’d stay clean, Bast.”
“How did she find me?”
He frowns and shakes his head. “No idea. Never asked.”
I think back to around the time he’s talking about and realize something. “Let me guess. Right around then was when we moved, wasn’t it? You moved us because of her?”
Shame crosses his features. “Yeah, it was. I didn’t want her showing back up, fucked up or something. You didn’t need that.”
I’d like to believe him, but Trent has always looked out for number one. I’m under no illusion that if I hadn’t been useful to him, I would have stayed in his care. Regardless, the man did raise me—put a roof over my head, clothed me, and fed me. That’s no small thing.
Anger burns like a hot coal in the pit of my stomach. I don’t know how to feel about any of this—Trent, Carla… Hattie.
“I can’t believe you never fucking told me.” My tone is almost a growl.
Would anything have been different if I had known? Maybe. Quite possibly.
My eyes squeeze shut, and my chest tightens.
“What are you going to do about the girl?” he asks after a moment, completely disregarding what he did all those years ago. That I’m in this mess partly because of him.
I turn and stare at the forest. “I have no idea.”
38
HATTIE
It was only one night alone in Bast’s bed, but I barely slept. Each minute lying there awake in the dark felt like an eternity. I’m not sure when I grew so completely attached to the man, but I have.
It probably didn’t help that yesterday morning before he left, he seemed pensive, as though something was on his mind, but when I asked him if he was okay, he said he was fine. And he was open with me that the impromptu trip was because his sister was worried about their father. It would make sense for him to be concerned too.
Still, he didn’t text me yesterday—or today so far. I must have checked my phone a hundred times. Sure, I could text him, but I don’t want to come off like a needy girl who can’t go a day without talking to her… whatever Bast is to me. That’s still the burning question I keep trying to put on the back burner, but it’s becoming more and more pressing. I need some kind of definition for our relationship. If only to keep my own expectations in check.
Pushing away from my desk, I go to make myself a hot chocolate. I’m not sure whether Bast is coming here or to the condo when he arrives in town, but I assume he’ll let me know at some point. So, I’m going to work until I hear from him.
Renee’s in the break room. She must just be coming in for her shift because she’s in street clothes. She’s leaning against the counter and scrolling through her phone.
“Hey, how are things?”
She glances up from her phone and smiles. “Good. I’m glad I ran into you.”
“Oh yeah? What’s up?” I grab a mug from the cupboard, setting it on the counter.
“I’m taking the little man to the Children’s Museum next week. We’ve never been, but I think he’ll love it. Wanted to see if maybe you’d like to come along?”
Warmth spreads through my chest. Renee is selective about who she allows around her son, and if she’s inviting me, it’s because she trusts me. I haven’t met him yet, but I’ve been hoping to. I love kids. They’re so sweet and innocent and look at the world through a lens that’s so much simpler than adults.
“I would love to. Just text me the details.” I want to swarm her in a big hug and thank her, but that would probably be too much.
“Awesome!” Her face lights up with a smile. “I’ve been telling him about my new friend at work. He’s excited to meet you.”
The clicking of heels on the tile behind me alerts me to someone else’s presence. I see a momentary flash of irritation on Renee’s face before she schools her features, so I turn around to see who it is.
