30
HATTIE
Bastion’s countenance changes as soon as the question leaves my mouth, and I know without him answering that I’m right. He’s never said anything specific, but when I talk about how wonderful my parents are, his beautiful blue eyes grow cloudy, his lips press together, and his jaw flexes. It just seems like parents are not a topic he’s comfortable talking about.
He takes a sip of his wine. “I didn’t know my father. He was never in my life, and my mother…” His jaw flexes and his nostrils flare. “She was into drugs and alcohol, so I ran away when I was eleven.”
My mouth slips open, and tears prick my eyes. Of all the answers I thought he’d give me, that was not it. I thought he’d say his parents didn’t agree with his business in strip clubs or there was some falling out. Maybe a nasty divorce when he was young. But his mom was a drug addict?
“Oh, Bastion, I’m so sorry.” I reach out to touch his arm, and he shifts it away. My hand falls to the side of the table.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he snaps.
It’s the first time I’ve ever heard a hint of anger in his voice directed at me, and I still, surprised by the venom lacing his words.
He twirls the stem of his wineglass, his eyes transfixed on the sloshing liquid. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. It’s just a difficult subject for me. As you can imagine, it still hurts even after all these years.”
I reach across the table for his hand, taking my chances again. “Of course it is. I can only imagine how bad the situation was for you to run away at such a young age.”
He nods, not meeting my eyes and looking at my hand on his forearm. “I got lucky, though. The man I consider to be my father took me in and raised me even though he was already raising a child of his own. Ariana, she’s not my sister by blood, but she is in every way that counts.”
I give him a small smile. “That’s like me with my mom. I’m her stepdaughter, but she’s always treated me like I was her own.”
Bastion’s gaze meets mine, but there’s no smile. There’s something else I’m struggling to decipher because I can never read people very well. “You should be thankful that she came into your life and chose to raise you as her own. You don’t know how lucky you are, believe me.”
“I know. When I was little, I’d thank God every night for sending her to my dad and me.”
Bastion’s jaw clenches and his nostrils flare again, but before I can ask more questions, the waiter arrives to serve the first course.
He sets down a plate in front of each of us while explaining what it is. I’m thankful to see that the plate isn’t filled to the brim, given that there are seven courses. In fact, it’s just a small amount of food, but it’s so pretty.
“It looks like art on a plate,” I say to Bastion after the waiter leaves, in an attempt to shift the mood from our serious conversation a moment ago.
“Wait until you taste it. I’ve never had a dish I haven’t liked here.” He picks up his cutlery, and I follow suit.
I take a small piece of the dish and bring it to my mouth, moaning when the flavors mix on my tongue.
“Careful, Hattie, if you make noises like that all through dinner, I’m likely to spread you open on this table in front of everyone and make you my meal.”
His words should send me running, leave me appalled, something other than pressing my thighs together under the table because I’m turned on.
I don’t know what to say, so I go back to eating my meal, my face heated.
I’m careful to only sip my wine through the rest of the meal so that I don’t end up drinking too much. Bastion and I chat about everything and nothing, and it’s not until we’re eating the dessert course that I realize how he’s become someone important in my life. How he’s shown the patience to allow me to be my complete self with him.
I was certainly more comfortable with him when we just met than I am with most people, but now when I’m around him, it’s the same as if I’m talking to Taylor. I don’t dissect every thoughtthrough my head before I say it, I don’t worry about what he might think of me. I get to just exist in this place where I feel like I can completely be myself.
“I haven’t asked you, probably because I’ve been afraid to, but how are you enjoying your life here in Seattle now that you’ve settled in some more?” Bastion brings his wineglass to his lips and finishes it off.
I think back to the night I was determined to leave town as quickly as possible. It feels as if it was a million years ago. So much has changed for me so quickly, but it doesn’t feel like a bad thing anymore.
Yes, I’ve questioned what God and my parents would think of me because of all of this, but it’s hard to feel like what I’m doing is a sin when I’m still the same person I always was at heart. Does enjoying sexual pleasure with a man I care about negate all that? I’m not sure, but one thing I know is that the Lord is a forgiving and benevolent God. In the end, if I decide all of it was a mistake and I was wrong for doing it, I will be forgiven. For now, I’m trying to follow my heart and go with my gut on what feels right.
“Do you really have to ask?” I smile.
He chuckles. “Well, I know you likethat, but what about the rest of it?”
“Well, I enjoy the job a lot. And I think I’ve found a good fit in the church I’ve been attending. I’ve found somewhere to volunteer, which is always rewarding. And I think I’m starting to develop some friendships. I really like Renee and Paige. They’re doing a wine and painting night next week, and they asked me to join them.”
