Dammit. I don’t fucking know.
I scrub my face with my clammy palm. “No idea. Personality trait?”
“I think it’s deeper than that, Bennett. You challenge authority at every turn. Not quite overtly. But it’s there, an undercurrent running through you.”
“Great. What’s this have to do with hockey?”
“Harness the energy, Bennett. Stop fighting against the tide. Ride it instead.”
I consider that for a second.
“That feels like getting pushed over.”
“Not if you’re on top of the wave.”
Something in my chest shifts, tiny and reluctant, but there.
On top of the wave.
I can move or get dragged.
“Your homework today.” Dr. Sparks taps her pen on the pad, bringing my focus back to her. “Before the game, you’re going to make one choice that proves you’re in control. Not Coach. Not Prince. Not Tori. You.”
My jaw ticks. I hate homework, hate being told what to do.
“Like what?”
“Like listening to a meditation. Like watching film instead of spiraling. Like walking away from trouble instead of straight into it.” Her gaze sharpens. “Control doesn’t mean nothing goes sideways. It means you choose to move out of the way when things do.”
My throat tightens, flashing back on all the times I ran straight into the center of the storm.
“And,” her voice is softer now. “You’re going to stop making this all about whether Tori stays.”
The words hit like a slap.
“If she’s putting up boundaries now, it’s because she’s scared. Don’t punish her for trying to protect both of you. If you do, you’ll only prove her fear.”
I clench my fists, wanting to fight the intangible things working against us. Things I can’t see or touch or punch my way out of.
“Go out there tonight and play hard. Play clean. Ride the wave, Bennett.”
I stand, sucking in a deep, shaky breath. The homework seems easy enough.
Meditate, stay out of trouble.
Go win the fucking hockey game.
Dr. Sparks’s voice stops me at the door. “Bennett, one more thing.”
I glance back over my shoulder.
“If you want more, earn it. Don’t take it.”
My throat tightens and I shove my hand in my pocket. Instinctively knowing that’s gonna be a problem.
I don’t know how to do that.
If I want something, I skate straight at it.
