If she’d never come into my life, Noah wouldn’t be curled up beside me with a broken arm and broken heart.
And if I was honest with myself, I’d admit that my son wasn’t the only one feeling shattered inside. Yeah, I’d fallen for Nina. Hard. It was impossible not to; I’d known it was inevitable since the moment she pounded down the conference room door.
I frowned at myself. Exactly what was I admitting? That I’d actually fallen inlovewith the woman?
Yes.
I loved Nina Reyes, despite everything.
I looked at my weeping, broken son and knew exactly what he was feeling.
27
NINA
Tasha wasn’t due back from her latest adventure for a few days. At first, it was a relief to have our place to myself so I could curl up and cry for as long as I wanted, uninterrupted. But after a full day of that, I felt like if I didn’t get a change of scenery, I was going to lose my mind.
So instead of staring at the walls in our now even more depressing loft, I dragged myself out to meet my former colleagues. The ship was back in port for a couple days, and Ashley had reached out to me as news of the split hit.
They wanted gossip. I wanted air. Somehow, I’d walk the line between filling them in and being discreet about the drama. I needed to vent, and they were probably the safest people for me to talk to. After all, all Ashford employees had to sign NDAs.
I tried to care enough to fix my hair and cover the dark circles under my eyes, but I wound up shoving it in a ponytail and wearing dark sunglasses. Nothing mattered, especially how I looked.
I started to doubt my decision to be around other humans as I got closer to the tourist-heavy tiki bar that had the music pumping so loudly I could hear it on the sidewalk.Whyhad I agreed to this? I considered walking right past it when someone shouted my name. I glanced around.
“We’re out here!”
It was Jared, the ship’s sports director, waving both hands at me from the sunny outdoor seating. He’d been there for Noah’s first rock climbing experience. As I remembered that day, it felt sort of fitting that we were about to hang out given how everything had ended.
“Hey,” I waved back weakly.
I was stuck. No backing out now. I convinced myself that being social would be good for me.
I made my way over to the group of my former colleagues, climbing over the fence dividing the bar instead of walking through the restaurant like a normal, civilized human. I was feral. I was a mess, and I didn’t care if the world could see it.
I was greeted by hugs all around. I hadn’t even realized until that moment how much I’d needed them. Jared, Beth from guest services, and Ashley, who clutched me for a few seconds longer than necessary, because she’d had a front-row seat to the whole trajectory of my initial relationship with the Ashford boys. The three of them looked tan and happy, a stark contrast to my pale, depressed state.
“The question isn’t what you want to drink, it’s how many,” Jared said as we settled into our chairs.
“Let’s start with a case of wine,” I fake laughed.
“Aw,” Ashley leaned forward to give my shoulder a squeeze, her mouth downturned. “I hate this.”
“That makes two of us,” I answered.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Beth asked gently. “We’re here for you no matter what.”
I considered how much I wanted to reveal. NDAs or not, Logan and I had agreed to keep the drunken beginning of our relationship a secret from everyone but our very nearest and dearest since it made us look like total fuckups, so I skipped the Ouaca backstory.
“Well, you were at the press conference, so you know how everything started,” I offered with a shrug. “And from that point on, things were pretty darn perfect. My relationship with Logan was better than ever, and Noah made incredible progress.”
“I saw the improvement firsthand just over the course of the cruise,” Jared said. “I never expected him to be so brave on the wall.”
“And the way he started interacting with the other kids,” Ashley added. “It was like he turned into a different kid during the trip. All thanks toyou.”
I nodded and bit back the tears welling up. There was no doubt about it. I’d fulfilled my usual role by being useful to Logan, and he’d paid me back with the pain I should’ve expected.
It still hurt that all of the progress we’d made with helping Noah heal was probably being derailed by my unintentional ghosting. I could only imagine how mixed-up Noah felt without me at the house as he dealt with his fractured arm.
