Emilia had mentioned something about a pet tortoise, which seemed a little left field, but then again, maybe she was the family eccentric, and they played along with her bohemian lifestyle choices.
That left me in my Walmart leggings and matching T-shirt. The nomad who didn’t know what a real home felt like.
“Hey, Nina, are you okay?” Gwen called out to me. “I know this family can be a lot. I’ve been exactly where you are.”
I’d clearly let my worries get the best of me. The three women turned to study my face. I couldfeelmy frown, which I quickly shifted into what I hoped looked like acceptable cheer.
“Me?” I squeaked out. “I’m good. Just…overwhelmed, I guess? I’m not used to,” I gestured to the grounds, “this.”
Emilia let out a laugh. “I get it. Took me a while to feel like I belonged.”
“Yeah, same,” Gwen agreed. “And I was the first ‘trespasser’ into this family. Let me tell you, Ashford men are a unique breed. At first, it was this weird combination of them sort of hating each other while at the same time being desperate for each other’s approval. And the way they bury their true emotions! I had to fight to tear down Harrison’s walls. They’ve turned a corner as a family, I think. But still…they’re built different from most people.”
“You can say that again,” Candace chuckled.
I picked up on some melancholy in her tone.
“Yeah, the guys were hard on you,” Gwen agreed. “And unfair. Harrison and I have talked about it quite a bit, and he regrets that he wasn’t more welcoming to you.”
Candace got up and grabbed her sky-blue caftan. “I understood it. They adored their mother, and they couldn’t stand the thought of their father with someone else, so they shut me out. It wasn’t easy for me to navigate, but I think we’re all in a better place now.”
She slipped on the caftan then leaned over to take Sophia from Gwen. So natural and comfortable together, like they were blood family.
I felt a twinge. Maybe it was best for me to remain on the fringes, since this lifestyle wasn’t going to be my reality for very long?
“What’s your family drama?” Emilia asked me. “We’ve all got it. Let’s trauma bond.”
I laughed at her on-the-nose take. Yeah, I had my fair share.
“Well, I don’t have siblings,” I began. “My friend Tasha is like a sister, though. My dad isn’t even worth mentioning. I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I’ve seen him. And my mom? If I had to sum her up in a word, it would be ‘nomad.’ She follows the work, so she ditched paying rent and now travels around the country in her RV. She used to joke that our home was under an open sky, which was fine when I was a kid. But as I got older, I just wanted…”
“Permanence,” Gwen finished for me. “I get it. My dad had some struggles with addiction. It was precarious for a long time, and all I wanted was stability.”
I hoped my shock wasn’t obvious. Gwen was so put together that I’d assumed life had always been smooth for her.
For a few minutes, the only sounds were the baby’s coos and Noah splashing in the water.
“What matters is where we arenow,” Candace said. She lowered her voice and leaned in closer. “We’re all finding our way through these big life changes. And Nina, I can see for myself how you’re having a positive influence on Noah and his father.”
“Agreed,” Emilia said. “It’s so obvious. Noah seems much happier and more stable. And Logan?” She shook her head, smiling. “Night and day. You’re good for them. They need you.”
Gwen nodded along. “I’m liking this new version of Logan. He seems lighter, and I’m giving you all the credit.”
It was a sweet sentiment. And it made sense, because it was what I did—make life easier for the people around me. On the job, with my friends, and obviously with past boyfriends. My lot in life was to be the fixer. The person who swooped in and smoothed out life’s rough edges.
I made it work. But sometimes I wished I could be on the receiving end of someone else’s care and attention for a change.
“Nina!” Noah shouted. “Watch me!”
He backed up then ran and jumped into the pool, executing what had to be a painful belly flop.
“Oof,” Emilia flinched. “That’s gonna leave a mark.”
“You okay?” I called out to him when he resurfaced.
I braced for a breakdown, but Noah came up sputtering and unbothered. He was a different child than the one I’d gotten to know at the beginning of the cruise. The one who hovered in the background, avoided eye contact, and was afraid of the ocean. This version of Noah seemed fearless. It was like I was meeting a brand-new boy, but based on the way the rest of the ladies were treating him, it was probably his level-set.
I hoped it meant that he was starting to heal from the loss of his mother. There was a void in his heart that would always remain, but at least he was finding his way back to himself.
