“Did you see it? How my belly got bigger? That means I did it right!” She grinned at him. “I wonder if you can do it too?”
Noah shook his head. The screams had died away, but he still seemed short of breath, huffing a little as the tears kept flowing.
“Hmm, I wonder if yourdadcan do it? I bet he can’t!”
Nina hitched her head for me to walk over and sit beside her. Once I was in position, she took my hands in hers and placed them on the right spots on my body.
“Your hands are freezing,” I murmured to her.
“Always,” she laughed. “I’m an amphibian. Anyway, let’s get to it.”
Nina walked me through the technique, which was counterintuitive to me since I’d always thought an inhale required pulling the stomach in. But even if it felt weird, Noah found it fascinating, and the tears finally came to an end.
“Hey, not bad,” Nina cheered. “Noah, it’s up to you now.”
Within a few minutes, the three of us were sitting cross-legged, breathing deeply. I watched calm settle onto Noah bit by bit—and the process accelerated when Ariel climbed into his lap and started to purr. With the tension and frustration behind us for now, sleepiness set in fast. A little while after that, Noah was snuggled in bed with Ariel tucked under his chin. They were both fast asleep.
Once the nightlight was on and the door was shut, I could finally exhale.
I turned to Nina. “Thank you. So much.”
“Are you going to tell me what that was all about?” she asked.
“Some old, remote-controlled cars, if you can believe it,” I said, explaining about Harrison’s phone call.
“Yeah, no,” she said, “this wasnotabout toy cars. That may have been what set him off, but there’s something more going onhere.” I went rigid, and Nina let out a sigh, like she was about to say something she didn’t really want to. “I’ve been trying not to pry, but it’s pretty clear thatsomethingmajor has him on edge, and I’m really not sure how I can help him if I don’t know what’s going on.”
She was right. She deserved to get the full picture.
“Let’s sit,” I sighed. We settled at opposite ends of the couch in the sitting area.
“A couple of months ago, Noah’s mom, Eleanor, was killed in a hit and run,” I explained. “She and Noah lived in Denver. I had visitation—Noah would come out to California once a month—but we haven’t lived together full-time since he was a newborn. It’s been…a lot of change for him, all at once.”
Nina’s expression shifted from shock to sadness at the weight of what my son was dealing with.
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I get it now. Poor Noah,” she said.
“The therapist said that I should expect him to feel overwhelmed. The routine was supposed to help with that—to give him a sense of consistency and predictability that would make him feel safe, but clearly…” I gestured toward his room helplessly.
She nodded, sympathy on her face. “Okay, I’m starting to see how it all fits together now. And honestly, I think you’re doing a lot of things right.”
I let out a hard sigh. “That’swhat it looks like when I’m doing things right?”
“That’s what it looks like when someone’s grieving,” she said softly. “It takes time to move through that, and progress isn’t always in a straight line.”
I snorted. “The therapist did mention something like that.”
She nodded. “Plus, kids his age aren’t always the best at knowing how to regulate their emotions. It’s easy for things to get overwhelming, and he might not have the tools to handle his feelings constructively. What we can do is focus on supporting him as he works through all of his big emotions.”
“What should I do?” I asked.
Nina fixed me with an appraising look, as if she was seeing me for the first time.
“You’re already doing it. Keep showing up for your son. Keep getting him the support he needs. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. All stuff you’re attempting. This isn’t an easy process, Logan. I get it. But I can tell you’re trying.”
I’dbeentrying, ever since I’d gotten the call about Elle. Most of the time, though, it felt like I was failing. But here, with Nina, it finally started to feel like we might be able to get through this.
7
