I also knew that no matter how much she missed him, Nina wouldn’t feel comfortable reaching out to him on my phone. I’d let it drop, but Josie presented me with the special phone idea as a way to make everyone happy. When I’d balked, explaining that Nina probably wouldn’t want to, Josie had shut me down by explaining that the two of them had already worked it out without me.
They just needed my buy-in, which of course I gave. Anything to help Noah find his smile again. We all agreed that Noah was too young for unsupervised phone use, but he didn’t mind letting the grown-ups hold onto the phone as long as he knew it was there, and he could use it to call Nina whenever he needed to.
“Did you, uh, use the phone today?”
We all knew what I was actually asking.
Josie all but stepped inside the refrigerator to avoid answering, which was an answer in itself.
“Yes,” Noah replied.
Hope surged through me. Talking to Nina was the equivalent of him taking a mood-balancing drug. Even though he missed her, connecting with her was a reminder that she was still in his life. Not the way he wanted, but it helped him stay stable and calm.
I was tempted to push a little, but their conversation was none of my business. And asking about it, abouther, would reopen the wound I was desperately trying to heal.
Josie was still refusing to move past what happened, and I knew that forcing her to take on double duty while I tried to find a replacement for Nina wasn’t helping matters. I’d doubled her salary to account for the increased responsibilities, and what she didn’t know was that I wouldn’t be reducing it back to where it was once I found someone.
IfI found someone. My assistant had already been through the initial vetting stage a few times before, and it felt like we’d exhausted every possibility in California. Even the most qualified candidates didn’t feel right when I met with them for personal interviews.
The truth was no one could compare to the woman we’d lost.
No, “lost” was the wrong word. More like “the woman I’d chased away like a fucking idiot.”
I reached for the phone right as a text came through, which I couldn’t help but see.
So proud of you, buddy! Don’t forget to send me pictures of your latest drawings when you get home!
“Noah…” I said in a strangled voice. I slid the phone across the marble counter to him. “You got a text.”
It felt so awkward to dance around what we all knew was going on. He read the text and smiled to himself, the first smile I’d seen all day. Noah slid the phone back to me.
“Okay, so are you guys all good? Do you need anything?” I asked, hiding a wince when I sounded more like a waiter than a father.
“I’ve got everything under control,” Josie answered without looking up from her celery prep.
“Of course you do,” I said with forced cheer. “Noey, all set? Because I’m heading back to my office for a few calls, but if you want, maybe we can go for a hike later?”
“Okay,” he mumbled as he turned a page in the comic book.
It wasn’t an exuberant yes, but it was enough for me. He couldn’t stay angry with me forever, and my plan was to chip away at his fury one day at a time. Eventually, we’d get past it.
I walked through the house and knew I was lying to myself. I still saw Nina everywhere I looked, like she was a ghost haunting the place. There were still certain areas that I avoided completely, like the dining room. We’d been having breakfast on the patio because her empty chair loomed so large that it killed our appetites.
And the skybrary? Hard pass. I’d gone in shortly after Nina left and discovered the copy ofPride and Prejudiceplaced back on the shelf. The memories of the night I’d handed it to her felt like a gut punch.
There were traces of her everywhere. My house needed an exorcism if I wanted to move past what we’d shared.
My phone rang right as I reached my office, and as always, my heart surged with hope. Maybe she needed to connect with me to discuss something Noah had said? Hadn’t happened yet, but there was always a chance that things could change. I clung to that hope. It didn’t feel right to call her after everything I’d said, but maybe she would reach out first. Maybe?—
I shook off the thought and pulled the phone from my back pocket, slumping when I saw the call was from Drew.
“Yo,” I answered.
“Hey, are you busy right now?”
I considered the stack of work waiting for me in my office. “When am I not?”
“Point taken. Let me try that again: can you swing by Dad’s? We’re in the final stages of the garage clean-out, and Dad wants to talk cars.”
