I haven’t been very hungry today, which often happens when I’m sad. Dammit, why am I so fucking broken?
“Maybe both?” I suggest. “I’m so happy for Bellamy. This is what he’s meant to do, and even better than going to college for art. I just feel…lost. I don’t want to apply to universities if I’m going to go alone. I know that’s silly but I can’t help how codependent I am.”
“Oh, we’re all codependent in some way, Lovey,” she says, amused. “Ansel and Shiloh are always working together, Abbott can’t sleep unless we’re all in bed together. Don’t be surprised if he finds a way to suggest that you sleep in our bed permanently. Our money all dumps into the same account, and we own businesses that feed into my love of shopping. The trick to codependency is to make it work for you.”
“How do I do that?” I ask, sighing.
“Find something you like doing surrounded by your favorite people,” Cassidy says with a grin. “It may even help you find something you’re passionate about.”
“This issue isn’t passion, it’s finding one thing to focus on,” I confess. “I’ve done theater, made costumes for shows, and participated in debate club because I enjoy arguing. I joined everything I could think of in order to not be home growing up.”
“You’re a very convincing actress,” Cassidy says. “It could be a good outlet until you can enjoy being yourself.”
Fuck. That’s partially the issue. I don’t know who I’m supposed to be now. Bellamy and I have been whatever we needed to be in order to survive, and now I’m not sure who I am.
“Damn Cassidy,” I rasp. “I sometimes wonder who the fuck I am.”
Taking my abandoned bowl, she tosses what’s left in the garbage now that my appetite is gone.
“You’re really fucking smart,” she says. I give her a face as she places the dishes in the sink, and she shakes her head. “Shh. Letme continue. Winter, you’re also one of the sweetest people that I know. You were just thinking about the others who escaped the auction the other day, and no one would fault you if you turned into a cruel person due to everything you’ve gone through. You also love really fucking hard. Bellamy is lucky to have you, baby.
“Just think about it, though, before you scoff. People who aren’t multifaceted don’t typically have an existential crisis at almost nineteen years old, despite the situation. Our pack has a few legitimate businesses, so let’s go shop for a job for you.”
“That’s not a real thing,” I tell her. “Normal people don’t just have jobs handed to them.”
“Oh, Winter,” Cassidy says, a predatory smile curling her lips as she walks closer to me. “You’re not normal. Pouring over the classifieds for a job isn’t something I’m comfortable with. There’s too many fucking sketchy people in the world. Our businesses are vetted, and no one will fuck with you.”
“Oh,” I squeak out.
Cassidy’s hands turn the bar stool I’m sitting on so I’m facing her, and my breath hitches as I look at her. She’s so fucking pretty, her blonde hair framing her face in waves as her piercing green eyes sparkle.
“Hmm. Are you distracted, Lovey?” she teases me, her lips touching mine softly.
“Mmhmm,” I mutter, kissing her back.
“Good, I don’t remember what the fuck we were talking about.”
Giggling, I pull her closer to me, her kiss deepening until I moan softly. Cassidy’s hands move to my thighs, massaging my skin gently as I open my legs to allow her to move closer to me.
“Me either,” I say, whimpering as her fingers play with the hem of my shorts.
“Ugh, we have to be good,” she groans, nipping my bottom lip playfully. My hiss makes her scrunch her nose at me, and I can’t help smiling back at her.
I don’t know what it is, but things are just easy with Cassidy. Even in the face of my worries, she provides options and suggestions, not mandates. Taking a deep breath, I take her hand as she steps back and I get up from the chair.
Glancing down at my outfit, I sigh.
“I should change. There’s no way anyone will take me seriously.”
“Doubtful,” she says. “Pretty sure people will be more worried about me eating them alive for looking at you wrong, even as a silent investor. You’re welcome to change if you want, but be fast so we make the rounds. My job is to work up your appetite because you didn’t eat enough.”
I flush at the other ways we could do that, except we wouldn’t leave the house. Her throaty chuckle has me racing from the room before I perfume and give in to temptation.
Walking upstairs quickly, I’m out of breath by the time I get to my nest. I don’t have anything professional, but I find a pretty blue maxi skirt in my closet, and decide to pair it with a white t-shirt.
If I need anything different for the job, I’ll figure it out later. Slipping on a white pair of slip-on sneakers, I brush my hair and glare at myself in the mirror.
“I’m so out of practice at just being a person,” I sigh. I still have to remind myself to do normal things like brushing my teeth and hair regularly. I have full autonomy over myself now, and no one tells you how overwhelming that can be.
