When she finally looks back at me, my heart is pounding and my hands are clenched.
“You would’ve made me your bride?” she whispers.
Taken aback by her return to this subject, my eyes roam her tired face, trying to read what is on her mind.
Does she… want to be my bride?“I would have done everything to convince you that you belonged with me and the rest of the Copperheads.”If things had been different…
“Why not… ask me?” she asks, the furrow in her brow deepening. “Ask me now. Forget everything. Forget your nest and everything else and just ask.”
I scoff and turn away; I refuse to believe she wants me to actually ask her and put her in that position. Why would she? I have nothing I can give her, nowhere truly safe for us to go. I will not give myself hope and think she does not care about these things. I know she does. Everyone does. “You know why I will not.”
She stares at me for a fraught moment before drawing away, some ineffable energy leaving her. “I… see.” She zips up her bag, lying it flat on the grass. “If that’s the case, I think I’m going to get some rest. It’s been… I’m really tired and my throat hurts.” Turning her back on me, she lies down on her side and rests her head on her pack. I sit back, thinking she is excusing herself from my company because I have hurt her, though I do not know how, when she suddenly peers over her shoulder. “You did get Olivia and the others to the encampment right?” she asks with a quiet intake of air.
Giving into temptation, I sweep a strand of her wavy hair off her cheek. “I did.”
She pushes my hand away. “Good. Good…” She turns back around. “We’ll get to the encampment tomorrow then.” Settling onto her side, she pillows her head on her bag again. “And this… thing between us… will come to an end. Our deal comes to its end.”
The end…My stomach churns.
No longer able to see her face, I frown down at her. “Yessss.”
But she will be safe.Among her humans, behind a barricade, and away from all the beings and dangers of the forest that could hurt her. That is what she wants… That is the deal we made…
She will also be away, out of my reach.
Despite my thoughts and my riotous emotions, I lean on my side behind her and wrap my arm over her. She goes tense before relaxing into my embrace and, shifting closer against her, I offer her the shelter and protection of my body. After all, I cannot offer her much else.
This will have to be enough.
TWENTY-NINE
TOGETHER IN THE DARK
Julia
I waketo Krellix wrapped around me and something hard poking me from behind. When I open my eyes, a thick darkness meets me. The shapes of the trees blend and blur, blocking the vast majority of the moonlight from reaching us. As I wait for my sight to adjust to the small amount of light I have, a deep grayness becomes my world.
Slowly, little lights appear, and as I take a moment to figure them out, I realize they’re fireflies like the ones outside Zaku’s.
I shift my cheek, the abrasive material of my pack rough underneath it. Tilting back into Krellix’s embrace, I take stock of what I can, like his tail, coming up from around my feet and caging me in a half-oval. We’re still in the thicket. There’s tufts of grass rising up around us from all sides.
Knowing he’s probably awake even if he doesn’t seem like it, I ease into his warmth, finding comfort in his arms. He might not ask me to be his, even if I want him to, but I… can almost understand why. He might be choosing to martyr himself for whatever nonsense reason, and bring me to the encampment aspromised, but he thinks he has to. I wish he knew he didn’t. As much as I want to go home, there really isn’t a home for me to go back to anymore. I might hope the encampment will lead me to a ship that will take me back to space but I can’t plan on that happening, not anymore.
And I like him. I like him a lot.
I want him to bring me to the encampment… I need that to happen.
Right?
The problem? I’m not ready to say goodbye.
But he’s right. What would happen if I went with him? Where would we go? We’d search for and find ourselves a new home, that’s what would happen. We would have to do that, yes, and things could go very badly. We could get split up, or attacked. One of us could get hurt, or I could get lost. Kidnapped. Without a home base, we would just be wandering a world where a lot of others are wandering now too…
We won’t be the only ones looking for a home.
Swallowing thickly, I cringe from the pain still in my throat and settle back against him as I actually give thought to the idea of choosing him.
The Dreadnaut’sgone and so is my previous life. The soldiers ended up being the bad guys, if what Zaku told Krellix is correct, and that doesn’t sit well with me. Any friends I did have are now either dead or scattered…
