“Does Kelley Caruthers have anything to do with it?”
“No,” she said adamantly.
“But he’s . . .”
“Shaw’s father.”
Leo stared down at his hands, and Mack watched him clasp and unclasp his long fingers. She pictured those graceful hands in his signature white driving gloves, strong and sure, confidently steering toward victory. Before she’d ever met him, when she’d only seen him on the screen of her TV, she’d noticed his hands. She wanted to grab them in her own and feel his warm calluses again. Behind them, the fountain burbled placidly, unaware of the tumult of anxiety and regret bubbling through her chest.
“Believe me when I tell you that Kelley Caruthers is nothing to me but a giant pain in the ass.” She inhaled, knowing what was best but not liking it. “I love Shaw to the ends of the earth, but getting involved with Kelley ruined my career.” Mack licked her lips. “You told me to prove what I’m worth out on track, but I can win this whole damn thing and still the only thing people will talk about is if there is anus.”
Leo shook his head. “It shouldn’t be like that.”
“It is like that, Leo! Denying it makes you part of the problem. You said there were posts about me. Be honest, are there posts about me and you?”
He wouldn’t meet her eyes. “We’re teammates.”
“Leo,” she demanded.
He dropped his head back. “Yeah. There are pictures. At St. Elmo, at the bus race, on the track walk. Someone even came up with a stupid name for us.Rilliams.”
She flinched. This was exactly why she didn’t look at social media. People were terrible and terribly stupid. “Can you even imagine what they’ll say after that goddamn interview? Now I’ll be the paddock slut.”
“Don’t say that. People online are grotesque.” She heard the bitterness in his voice, knew he was holding back from telling her the worst of it. Frustration and hurt marred his gentle face. “It’s not just a hookup for me. Ilikeyou, Mack. What about after the race? When the spotlight dies down? We could try ...”
Mack shook her head. “I live in rural Indiana and you travel nine months out of the year. I’ve never introduced Shaw to a man and I won’t start now.”
The way Leo looked at her made her want to scream and cry at the same time. As if he wanted to argue but respected her enough not to.
Leo Raisman was all the things she’d never respected herself enough to want.
Would she have appreciated him if they’d met earlier? She thought of herself at eighteen, wondered if she would have slowed down enough to sift through the dirt and see the shining gem of Leo Raisman. Or could she only understand now that he was the best of what a man could be because she’d permanently tied herself to a man who was the opposite? What if she’d met Leo instead of Kelley? What if they’d driven the same circuit for years, or they weren’t teammates, or if she wasn’t tied to Haubstadt? What would have, could have happened between them then?
So many what-ifs. But what was real was where they were now.
He watched the fountain and Mack watched him, wanting to absorb his loveliness, his goodness for a moment longer. She couldn’t stop herself from touching his dimple. “I wish things were different,” she whispered.
“Me too,” Leo said softly.
“Williams! Raisman! Where the hell have you two been? It’s go time!”
They both jumped up from the fountain, looking blatantly guilty. Janet’s mirrored aviators hid her expression but her mouth hung openjust enough that Mack knew she’d seen them. Mack squeezed her eyes against the instant smart of tears.
Leo had the wits to ask, “I thought we were going out midpack?”
How could his voice sound so calm and normal? Mack fought the urge to put her fist in her mouth.
“Plan changed! Jimmy and Lucie are worried we’ll need a second run to get the placements we want. We’re doing the eleven first.”
Mack’s eyes popped open in fear. She was going out for qualification now?
Janet’s posture was stiff, hands on her hips and chin jutted slightly. She stepped forward until she stood inches in front of them. Her voice, normally so sharp, was slightly louder than the burbling fountain. She pointed at Leo. “You, I swear to god if there’s any Me Too shit going on I will fry your balls in hot oil while they are still attached to your body and then cut you from this team immediately. Fuckingmen.” Mack opened her mouth to defend Leo but Janet was having none of it. She moved her finger to Mack’s face. “And you. I shouldn’t have to explain to you that you are embarrassing yourself and embarrassingme. I’ve worked my ass off to get respect at this track and if you have tarnished my good name I will make your life so fucking miserable you won’t even be able to get a ride in a carnival bumper car.” She made a growling noise that demonstrated her disappointment better than any words. “Get your asses to the garage. Now. I’m going to watch you like you’re the stupid children you are.”
They fell into line behind Janet, and Mack refused to look at Leo. Would she never, ever learn her lesson?
Chapter 27
8 days until the Indianapolis 500
