‘Thank you venerable Lord Black, congratulations on your excellent win. Lord Bai, Lord Vermilion, it was an honour to join you in mahjong.’
The hulijing ministers continue to buzz around Lord Aengus. I know those leeches too well. They scent his qi and want a taste.
Trying not to roll my eyes, I say, ‘Lord Aengus, as Special Liaison to the Hulijing Court, it is my duty to warn you against spending too much time with the hulijing. They are not—’
‘Don’t listen to her,’ one of the hulijing ministers says. It’s either Lady Bo or Lady Ba but they’re twins and impossible to tell apart. Both have plaintive, whiny voices, small faces, and large bosoms. ‘She only wants you for herself!’
I choke. ‘That isnot—’
‘You just don’t want to share!’ This from Lady Mo.
‘I am only doing my job,’ I say through gritted teeth, trying to keep Lord Aengus from getting drained and the Tuatha Dé declaring war on the Pantheon of Tian as a result.
But Lord Aengus entirely misunderstands my reluctance.
‘Ladies, ladies,’ he coos, ‘don’t worry your pretty little heads. There’s more than enough of me to go around.’ He wraps his arms around the sulking Bo-Ba twins, who immediately snuggle into his navy blue robes with self-satisfied grins.
The other three hulijing ministers swarm around the envoy. Lady Xi the most senior, Lady Mo, and Lady Min the most junior smile coyly at Lord Aengus, pearly teeth gleaming in the electric lights of the Hall of Harmony.
I never thought the day would come that I would fight other hulijing for a man’s attention. This is not a Cosmos I wish to embrace.
‘Lord Aengus is a guest of Tian,’ I say, trying to regain control of the situation. ‘We are responsible for his well-being—’
‘Aiya! Special Liaison Lady Jing, why are you being such a party pooper?’ Bo-Ba on his left pouts at me. ‘Brother Yangwantsto come with us. We aren’t forcing or luring him!’
‘That is exactly the point. Lord Aengus is going with you willingly because he doesn’t know that you’re qi-sucking yaojing.’ There’s no rancour in my tone because it’s the simple truth.
‘Rude,’ the other Bo-Ba retorts.
‘It is what it is,’ I say, channelling Bullhead. ‘No need to get all sensitive.’
‘Now now, Lady Jing,’ Lord Aengus says. ‘Surely there’s no rule against me getting to know another ministry. Besides, cultural exchange with the other ministries is why I am here after all.’ Wide and earnest blue eyes regard me with a puppyish innocence. He truly has no artifice or guile. Or smarts.
‘Lord Aengus.’ I speak slowly, keeping a white-knuckle grip on my patience which wants to run screaming from the obtuse envoy. ‘Of course we encourage cultural exchange. It is the cornerstone of the International Convention of Immortals and key to the success of the International Treaty of Immortal Harmony. As Special Liaison for the Hulijing Court we are most honoured by your interest. However, I must make clear that hulijing are not like other yaojing. We feed on yang qi – what you callawen. As a deity from another pantheon, your awen is of a different nature to ours. Those with less scruples might be tempted to cause you harm.’ The hulijing gasp with indignation, correctly surmising that I mean them. I turn my most grave expression on the envoy and hope to Tian my message gets through. ‘We do not wish to cause offence to the Tuatha Dé nor do we wish to breach the International Treaty of Immortal Harmony and trigger a diplomatic incident between our pantheons.’
Lord Aengus stares at me like I’ve just presented him with a Tang poetry reciting monkey. He guffaws, a deep baritonehuh huh huh.
‘Of course my awen is different! I am a virulent god after all. Who wouldn’t want a taste of me?’ He beams at the courtiers who giggle and blush, completely missing my point.
My already threadbare patience disintegrates. Tony hates it when I lie; he says lying is the path of cowards, but this leaves me no choice. Needs must.
‘Ah! I almost forgot,’ I say with a honeyed smile. ‘Lord Ma is usually on guard duty in the afternoons and he gets ever so lonely. We should go visit him; I know he’d appreciate the company.’
‘Truly?’ Lord Aengus’s attention is wholly on me now. He smiles dreamily. ‘Last week we stayed up all night reciting our favourite sections in the Book of Odes. I’m keen to hear his thoughts on the crossover between benevolence and propriety in the Book of Rites, but these days urgent business keeps calling him away.’
Urgent business?In the ninety some years since Horsey became my tutor in the Classics, he has never, ever been called away on urgent business. Someone is full of dog farts. I break into a wide, satisfied grin. It’s payback time.
I usher Lord Aengus away from the hulijing and he abandons them without a backwards glance. ‘Yes,’ I say, pretending to empathise. ‘We mustn’t deprive him of your company. I recall Lord Ma mentioning the other day how stimulating he finds your conversations and that he especially enjoys your recitations of those super long epic poems.’
Three
It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone Goes Flaccid
In the lift to Big Wang’s penthouse, I remind Lord Aengus about the breakfast we’re hosting in his honour. Feeling generous, I share a tidbit of gossip I learned from Old Zao. ‘Lord Lei and Lady Dian of the Ministry of Thunder will be at breakfast too. They travelled all the way from Mount Kunlun to meet you!’
Lord Aengus claps his hands. ‘I am very much looking forward to seeing them again. Such a delightful couple.’
‘You know them?’
