“We’re all better off if you don’t like me. I have nothing for you but a stiff cock, and if Mike were here, he’d do his best to beat my ass. I want you like hell. I always have, but it’s easier if you hate me. Now that the jig is up, I’ll stop being an asshole if you…” What? Try not to look so damn fuckable? It was up to him to control himself, not up to her to worry about his lust. “Keep your distance.”
“And the sex I owe you for your ‘fee?’”
Sure, he’d love that but… “Forget it. I would have helped you, regardless. It’s the least I owed Mike for being a good friend. And I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you and Harper have a safe, happy life.”
Sasha cocked her head at him, looking both relieved and confused. “So…everything you said that night I arrived?”
He closed his eyes. “I questioned you about my loyalties to make you think. I didn’t expect you to run from me. When I tackled you and got you under me…I wanted you too much to hide it. I knew you were afraid of me. I used my rape conviction to scare the shit out of you. Sorry. I should have just told you that unless you were looking for a lover, you shouldn’t get too close to me. If you do, I’ll hustle you into bed.”
“Because you just got out of prison and want an easy conquest.” She sighed. “I feel so stupid.”
“That’s not entirely false…but not the whole truth.” He tapped his thumb against his thigh, wondering how honest to be. Finally, he realized that besides not wanting to add to her stress, he hated her hating him. “The first time I saw you, you were sitting on that enclosed porch along the back of your house at dusk. Through the windows, I saw the sun light you up with a golden glow as you breastfed Harper, looking so peaceful. You were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. But there was something else… You oozed kindness and goodness and an innocence that neither marriage nor childbirth could change. You looked like something I had no business touching. I wanted you—and I couldn’t stop. I wanted to pleasure you, corrupt you, bask in you. I wanted to absorb whatever made you special. I wanted to learn to be better for you. I still do, and I’m probably doomed to failure. I knew then that if I hung around, my urge to claim you could zip past my friendship with Mike and wear down my self-control. I’m still sure that’s true. But now that he’s gone, the only thing stopping me is you.”
Sasha looked dazed. “So you’ve just been pushing me away?”
When she looked as if she was really seeing him for the first time, he shrugged. “I’m good at being an asshole, so it came naturally.”
“Last night, if I had asked you to make love to me…?”
“I’d still be deep inside you. Mike would be cursing me from above, and you’d hate yourself later. So let’s drop it. Let’s find Mike’s evidence and get it into the right hands. Then your nightmare will be over.”
Nick packed up all his gear, watching as she did the same. He was aware that she hadn’t stopped staring at him. Shit. No matter how much he jacked off, she still made him hard. No matter how much he told himself not to look at her, every time he did, his heart flipped over. He’d lived for years off his gut instinct. It told him to go after her. But logic told him his instinct needed to shut the hell up.
“Done?” he asked as he zipped the last of his things into his backpack.
She closed her duffel. “Yes. Do you really think we’ll find Mike’s evidence? I have no idea what this key fits into.”
At least she wasn’t talking about his diarrhea of the mouth anymore. “That part is stumping me, too. I don’t remember anything with a lock at the bandstand. Maybe he buried something. We’ll look for whatever it is. Based on the size of the key, it’s small.”
“What happens if we don’t find it?”
“We’ll keep looking, and I’ll make sure you and Harper stay safe.” And he’d find new, creative ways to maintain distance between them. If he didn’t, she’d wind up in his bed. “I’m not letting you die and I’m not giving up my revenge. You can bet on that.”
She nodded solemnly.
He carried their bags to the SUV. She followed. The sun rose high. The warmth thinned as November pressed on. It would be Thanksgiving in a couple of weeks. It had never been his favorite time of year since an absent father and an overworked single mother trying to make ends meet in the ’hood hadn’t left him much to be thankful for. Ditto for prison. Shit, he sounded like he was having a fucking pity party. He needed to put on his big-boy drawers and be grateful that Sasha had come to him for help. Getting revenge would make him damn thankful this year. So would letting her get on with the pretty, peaceful life she deserved.
They fell quiet as he dodged traffic toward the park. He donned his ball cap and slid the sunglasses on his face. She followed suit with her shades.
As disguises went, theirs were rudimentary—the best he could come up with on the fly. But this jaunt through the park should last a handful of minutes, so they didn’t have to stay disguised very well or for very long.
Nick glanced her way. Her now-dark hair slid in silky waves over her shoulders, the sunlight catching the rich coffee skeins. She looked both bolder and somehow more delicate with the contrast of her dark hair against her fair skin.
He wanted her. Then again, he always did. He had to stop fixating and get practical.
After a drive-thru breakfast, they finally pulled onto Dreyfous Drive and took the winding road adjacent to the Museum of Art. They passed in front of the coffeehouse and parked in a spot closer to the bandstand.
As soon as they got out of the SUV, the wind picked up. The temperature had dropped discernibly in the last thirty minutes. Cloud cover moved in. Winter weather was coming earlier than usual.
A quick glance told Nick that not many people lingered near the bandstand. The few moms pushing strollers were leaving before the chill got worse.
When Sasha shut her door, he locked the car and dragged in a bracing breath. Time to bring to light the evidence Mike had given his life to hide.
He headed to the walkway on the far side of the bandstand, away from the coffeehouse and the few people sitting at the tables with red umbrellas, clutching their hot brew and hurriedly eating beignets. Sasha followed, and he grabbed her hand, holding it in his. She gripped him like she was nervous.
“Relax. We’re a couple out for a stroll. You’ve got the key around your neck?”
“Always.” She breathed out, clearly searching for calm. “It’s so different to be here now. The day I took my bridal pictures, it was spring. Sunny. Warm. It seemed like such a happy place. Today this place looks…ominous.”
