I opened my mouth, but the words wouldn’t form. I couldn’t say it out loud and make it real.
‘Oh, Sorrow.’ Matthias rubbed his jaw, shoulders slumping. ‘Are they bad?’
‘I thought…at first, I thought it was the strain of trying to read in the library. I didn’t want to admit I needed help reading the words. The pain isn’t so bad.’
‘Then there’s still time.’
‘Time for what?’
‘To train.’ He lay his soft touch against my chin, tipping it so I met his gaze once more. ‘Embrace your magic.’
Wrapping my arms around myself, I shivered, then jumped as Asher clapped his hands. Pablo came creeping through the trees, his maw stained with the blood of his lunch, and stood by me.
‘You’re in luck, Sorrow!’ Asher said.
‘Well, after the month I’ve had I could certainly do with some.’ I smiled, hoping I could divert them.
Matthias’s mouth quirked up. ‘I happen to have the greatest mentor in the history of Eusis currently residing at my palace. She’ll train you.’
‘No.’
‘No?’
I crossed my arms. I’d avoided being trained for eight years. I couldn’t face what I’d be forced to do in order to embrace the poison running through my veins.
Asher barked a laugh.
‘I know you said she had the tendency to be stubborn, my king, but honestly, this is something else.’
‘Sorrow.’ Matthias threw his hands in the air. ‘If you’re getting headaches, it’s only a matter of time before the blight claims you. I employ the perfect person to save you. You just need to accept my help. It won’t make you any less strong.’
‘You appear to have developed an obsession withsavingme. There must be another way. I don’t want?—’
‘Thereisn’tanother way. We all know it. You’ll be a danger to yourself. A danger to others. What do you think it would do to me to watch you tear yourself apart?’
Closing my eyes, I took it all in. There was a part of me that knew he was right. Those damned headaches were the first rung on the ladder. Each step would destroy more of my soul. It’d poison my mind causing bleeding. The itching would drive me insane till the moment I’d scrape my skin raw. And it wouldn’t just be myself whom I’d hurt. Isolated in the library, I’d known I wasn’t going to be a risk if I succumbed to the effects of the blight, but in Asmar? In a palace brimming with courtiers and servants? I blew out a breath. Gods, I knew he was right. A tremor racked my body at the memory of Enfys’s bloodied face. Her fear still coated my tongue, even though eight years had passed. What if I fucked up? What if something like that happened again?
‘Please.’ I opened my eyes and met his soft stare. ‘I can’t…’
Matthias took my hand, his thumb tracing gentle lines along the spiking pulse in my wrist. ‘Sorrow Villente. You possess the fiercest heart I’ve ever known. You’ve faced far worse and never shied away from a challenge. If anyone can master their gift, it’s you. I won’t let you face this alone. I’ll be by your side. I’m your husband now if you haven’t realised it yet.’
He flashed me that smile, and I winced as I sensed my resolve begin to unravel. I smiled, despite the way my guts churned. And when his thumb brushed against my bottom lip, my eyes closed against the pressure.
Swallowing, I grasped his wrist and pushed his hand away.
‘You’ll train with Glesni?’ he pleaded. ‘Please?’
I took a settling breath. There’d be no way to avoid this. Every throb and pulse in my temples would have his entire courtpanicking. I nodded, praying to Evella this Glesni didn’t look deep enough into my abilities and find out the reason why I’d hidden them for so long.
Asher clapped his king on the back. ‘That’s settled then. May I suggest we make haste and get our asses back to Asmar. I for one cannot wait for the moment Glesni meets your new bride.’
Matthias laughed, his fingers entwining with my own, and with my fight ebbing, I permitted him this fleeting moment of tenderness.
‘Why?’ I asked, suddenly unsure about my decision. ‘What’s this Glesni like?’
Matthias’s response was lost in a thunder of hooves. He let go of my hand and reached for his sword as a bay horse cantered into the clearing. A single rider sat atop. He pulled his horse up, his head angled in Matthias’s direction.
‘Ifan!’ Matthias called.
