If I hadn’t been so damned close to Matthias fucking Elmswood, I might have been able to enjoy being back on a horse after so many years as we travelled through the evergreen forests of my kingdom. I was far too conscious of the heavy feel of his arm resting on my thigh, the way his lips sparked goosebumps acrossmy skin as he incessantly chattered far too close to my ear, to relish the freedom of riding again.
As children, whenever he was nervous or scared, Matthias had resorted to talking – non-stop. I used to love the sound of his voice. The way he’d change the subject, lose track of whatever he was distracting himself with. There was a time I thought I could listen to the sound of his voice till the Gods tore the cosmos to shreds. Now, I envisaged taking his boots off and shoving them down his damn throat.
‘This is…nice,’ he said, filling in yet another silent pause. ‘Don’t you think?’
Squirming in the saddle, I pursed my lips tighter. I was far too conscious of every flicker of his muscles. The lack of space between us. His warm breath skittered across the back of my neck, and I shrugged. Would it be considered rude to ask him to stop breathing for the duration of the journey?
Matthias squeezed his thighs against the black steed’s side, urging our horse ahead of the procession of guards.
‘Hold back,’ Asher ordered, and my stomach twisted as I realised what Matthias had planned. Within a minute, we were ahead of his guards. He was free to speak without any fear of being overheard. Intuitively, my muscles clenched. I’d never let this man sweet talk his way into my affections again.
‘Afraid of losing face in front of your guards,Your Highness?’
‘Something like that,’ he mumbled. His mouth was far too close to the shell of my ear, and my faithless heart tripped a beat. ‘We have to clear the air, Sorrow. There’s too much to say.’
‘You could start with sorry.’
Tears pricked at the back of my eyes and I reminded myself of my mantra. I’d shed my final tear over Matthias Elmswood. I twisted in the saddle but couldn’t turn far enough to see him. I was safer avoiding his smile anyway.
‘I am sorry. More sorry than you’ll ever know. That fall. The accident?—’
‘The accident?’ I cried, twisting round even further. Did he really thinkthat’swhat I needed an apology for?
‘It was my fault. I?—’
‘I don’t want your apology forthat. I want an apology for this.’
‘For sharing the horse? We’ve been through this. I lost my spare.’
I faced ahead and took in a deep breath. My fingers gripped the horse’s thick mane, knuckles white. The fool had wanted to save me. A part of me begrudgingly understood that. But matrimony? Why did it have to be marriage?
Matthias shifted in the saddle, his chest flush against my back. I leaned forward, desperate for space.
‘Am I really to be your bride? Yourwife?’
He went unnaturally still behind me, before drawing himself back. I’d had a few casual lovers during my time in the library and grown close to one guard. Then she’d been placed on duty elsewhere, bruising my already shattered heart. It wasn’t sex itself that unnerved me. It was the thought of lying next tothisman. Skin on skin. Breaths merging as one. My cheeks burned at the thought.
‘It was the only way to save you.’ His voice came out as a whisper, and I barked out a high laugh. If it wasn’t for him I’d be lost in the woods by now.
‘I don’t need saving. Especially by you.’
He took a minute.
‘Enfys sent an urgent message. She’d discovered Romero chose you as the Tribute when her letters to the library were returned unopened. Handpicked by the king himself – though he’d kept it a secret. We were desperate to get you out. Timewasn’t on our side, so I told Romero he’d have a seat on my council in return for your hand?—’
‘You what?’ My head whipped round. ‘The same council The Alliance put in place after Raul’s rebellion? The council designed to keep your decisions in check? Why would you give him, of all people, a seat?’ A muscle flinched in Matthias’s jaw. ‘You know as well as I do how he craves power. Ever since the empress took Carush, he’s wanted the same for himself. Why would you risk such a thing? You’ve practically handed him a second kingdom. As soon as the threat from the empress is over, he’ll try and oust you from your own throne. Did you ask your brothers what they thought? It’s their kingdom too.’
‘Both Ifan and Skye?—’
‘Skye?’
‘Yes, Skye. I have a sister now. I always did, if truth be known. And she agreed with me. She’s in favour of this marriage. Getting a sister of her own. Said something about too much testosterone around the palace.’
I decided to ignore the thought of a new sister, a new family. New people I had to avoid, so I’d never destroy them.
‘But giving Romero power, Matthias. Surely you know no good will ever come of this? Why would you even contemplate it?’
For a moment, Matthias lay his forehead against my shoulder, and I shuddered. The simple touch seemed so natural, so right. He was an idiot, though. A complete idiot for handing over even a sliver of control to Romero.
