“Bit of dust, though I think I made it worse,” he said quietly. The air sizzled between us as I took a tiny step closer. He leaned down slightly and I met him in the middle as we kissed. I had never done this before with someone I wasn’t seriously seeing, never kissed out of nowhere or when we weren’t hooking up.
“You look very good like that,” Llywelyn said as he pulled away. “And in this.” He hooked one finger under the scarf.
“Oh my God, I only came in to thank you for the wool!” I said. “I completely forgot, I’m so sorry. I only came in to say thank you. I’m meant to be buying Nain’s food!”
Llywelyn laughed. “And instead I got you doing hard labour.”
“Here — it’s yours.” I pulled the scarf from around my neck and gave it to him. I made to leave the shop, but Llywelyn called my name as I opened the door.
“Are you free tonight?” he asked.
“Maybe,” I smiled. “Are you going to change my plans?”
“I’ll come and get you at 5. I’ll bring the dog this time,” he said. I nodded, and let the door swing closed behind me.
As I emerged into the street I almost ran into Tom Brown. “Oh, hi,” I said.
“H-hello,” he said. “Who…?”
“The fake you,” I said. “I almost ended up teaching your class by accident.”
“Oh, oh yes.” He looked frazzled. “So sorry, but I have to meet someone…” He hurried off down the street and around a corner.Strange man,I thought. Very unlike any art teacher I had ever met.
I rushed into the bakery. A quick check on my ancient phone told me I’d spent an hour with Llywelyn, but Nain hadn’t called yet. She was probably fretting after me at home, I thought.
“Hi, how can I help you?” said the friendly looking baker behind the glass counter.
“Two sausage rolls please.” I noticed as the baker picked up the rolls that his nails were painted black and vaguely remembered Llywelyn saying he thought the baker was gay when we spoke at the beach. It seemed the little village really was much more accepting than I ever thought it could be.
“There you go, three pound.” I exchanged my money for the sausage rolls and walked out of the shop whistling. It was going to be a good night.
???
“You’re in a very good mood,” Nain said as I walked into the kitchen. “And awfully late.”
“Sorry, I got caught up on my way to the bakery.”
“Caught up with a particular someone, eh? You know the village talks, James.” Nain gave a wicked smile before tucking into the sausage roll I had placed on the table in front of her.
“Well that can talk all they want, I’ll be gone in 2 days.” As I said it I wished I hadn’t. Nain’s face had dropped.
“It has been lovely to have you here,cariad.Promise to visit me more now you’ve been down once. You seem to have enjoyed your time here.”
“I have,” I said, answering her rhetorical question but avoiding her request.. Even as I knew it would be very difficult to visit in future on account of Llywelyn. We may not have had anything official going on, but the thought of coming back and seeing him with someone was weird. Or if I did come back for the weekend and he wasn’t seeing anyone else, would we rekindle things for a couple of nights? Or just accept these few days as an oasis far apart from the rest of our lives?
Stop thinking, my mind supplied completely unhelpfully. I’d had sex with people before, and dated, and then moved on like nothing had happened — so why was this feeling so different?
The sausage roll suddenly didn’t seem so appealing as my stomach churned, and I recognised the familiar signs of anxiety returning. Having been off medication for a long while, I turned to an old coping mechanism to assuage the symptoms. Risk and reward.
Risk? Not being able to show my face in Hiraeth without feeling guilty for messing Llywelyn around.
Reward? A fantastic few days in this little village with a wonderful guy.
Risk? I don’t want to hurt anyone.
Nain seemed to have read my mind, or perhaps she could see the emotions heavy on my face. “Take every day one day at a time, and enjoy every second. As I found with your mother, you never know what the future holds for your loved ones. Don’t worry about the future, because worrying won’t change it.”
“Thank you, Nain, love you.”
