Carla patted his leg. “Aw, you weren’t. It’s just ’cause I know you.” She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Just tell me you don’t have a thing for that roommate of yours.”
This time he really did snort water out of his nose. He spluttered all over the tabletop, and Carla quickly grabbed a napkin and thrust it into his hand. She chuckled while he wiped his face and then the table.
“Well, that got a reaction.”
“Ben?” Tommy said incredulously. “Hell no. Just… no.”
Carla straightened her face. “I thought I’d mention it, seeing as he does bat for both teams, right? And you twoareclose?”
“Yeah, but damn, girl…. Ben?Sonot my type, and I amsonot his.”
She shrugged. “Takes all sorts.” She dragged her tray across the table and picked up her sandwich. “I thought you stayin’ at his folks’ place on the weekends might’ve meant….”
Tommy shook his head. “His family doesn’t know he’s bi, for one thing. But he’s trying to get me out more on weekends, and it’s easier staying with him and his family than driving back to Athens.” It was getting to be a nice routine. They’d pack a bag Friday and head off to Ben’s family home in the Morningside area of Atlanta when classes were finished. Friday night was usually dinner with Ben’s parents, Benson and Caroline, and his sister, Bethany, a high school senior. Ben’s parents couldn’tbe more different. Ben took after his mom; both had bubbly personalities and loved being sociable. His dad was more serious, a real man’s man. And they were a wholeworldaway from Tommy’s parents.
Carla looked at her phone. “I gotta go. I got a meeting of the Black Student Alliance.” She held the phone out for him to see. “You seen the time?”
Tommy sighed. Like she had to remind him. He rose to his feet and collected the debris from his lunch, depositing it all on his tray. “I’ll see you in class, okay?” Carla said nothing; her sympathetic expression was more than enough. He left the cafeteria and walked through the campus to the quiet corner near the library where he went every Friday lunchtime. When he reached the bench set back against the brick wall of the library, he sat down and got out his phone, staring at it in his hands for a moment.
Hehatedfeeling like this. It hadn’t always been so, not when he’d first arrived at college. Once a week, regular as clockwork, he’d call his momma, their conversations lasting fifteen to thirty minutes. He’d looked forward to hearing the news from home, telling her how well he was doing in his studies….
But not now.
Tommy knew his momma hadn’t changed. No, this was all about him, his own feelings of guilt. Once he’d accepted he was gay, his momma’s customary litanies and questions took on new meaning. He squirmed, his heart heavy, chest tight, every time she spoke of what the preacher had been talking about in church the previous Sunday. It wasn’t that he no longer believed, not entirely. He just felt the Lord might be having a problem loving him like his momma said he did. Not if the pastor had it right, and all gays were going to hell for their sins…. And then there was the time he chose to call her, every Friday lunchtime when he knew she’d be in the house. That way the weekly duty wasdone, with less chance of her calling him over the weekend when he was out, maybe someplace he wouldn’t want his momma to find him.
No use puttin’ it off. With a sigh, Tommy hit speed dial.
“Hey, son. I’d got to thinkin’ you’d forgotten ’bout me.” There was a hint of humor in her voice.
“Aww, course not, Momma. How’s everything? How’s Daddy?” He got comfortable, knowing this could take a while.
“Your daddy’s just fine, ’ceptin’ he works too hard, o’ course. Not that he’s got much choice, seein’ as help is hard to come by right now.”
The words were like a knife to his heart.If I wasn’t at college, Daddy wouldn’t be strugglin’. He knew his momma would never say that, but it didn’t stop him thinking it.
“Did you go to church last Sunday?”
Damn. As always the question set his stomach roiling in anticipation of the lie. “Yes, Momma.” The last time he’d stepped inside a church had been back in early September before he’d left for college. He hadn’t been home since then, something else to give him an attack of the guilts.
“You met any nice girls lately? I’m sure there must be someone at church who’s caught your eye.”
“No, Momma, there’s no one I’m interested in. Besides, I think my studies are more important right now.” Like she was going pay any heed to that. He tried to change the subject. “How is Mary?” He knew Momma loved to talk about his married sister.
“Oh, she’s fine. Her and Dan came by last night. And Dan’s daddy made sure to mention you last Sunday durin’ prayers. He asked after you when we was leavin’ church too.”
Tommy shivered. The last time he’d heard Dan’s daddy speak, Pastor Cunningham had been telling the congregation to pray against this marriage equality evil that was pervadingsociety. Tommy had been frozen to the spot, too scared to move in case something gave him away. The enthusiastic reception that greeted the pastor’s words filled him with dismay. There were loud choruses of “Amen” and varying noises of approval, especially when he spoke of the “growing menace of homosexuality” that was “spreading through the land like a cancer, infecting the nation’s youth.”
It sure didn’t feel like an infection to Tommy. For the first time in his life, he felt like life finally made sense. Too bad most of the people he’d grown up with wouldn’t see it like that.
“How’s that Carla you were tellin’ me about? Mightn’t she be someone you’d consider datin’? She sounds like a nice girl.”
“She has a boyfriend back home, Momma,” he said. “Oh, I aced my last test.”Anythingto get off the subject.
“Oh, that’s wonderful, son! When might you come home next? It’s been a while now.”
He did a quick count in his head. They were already heading into late October, and Christmas wasn’t that far off. “How ’bout we leave it ’til the winter break? After all, I’ll be home for a couple of weeks then. If I come for a weekend, that’ll just mean spending money on gas, not to mention all the time it’ll take getting there and back.” He crossed his fingers, praying she’d be okay about that.
There was a moment’s silence. “But that’s weeks away.” His heart sank. “I s’pose you’re right, son.” He could hear the reluctance in her voice. “I’ll have to make do with our weekly chats ’til then.”
