Mike’s heart sank to see Jack’s pallor. “Babe, I have to. I never thought you’d do bareback, and yet here you are. I never believed you could do this. I… I thought you had more integrity than this.”Oh fuck.I said it. The words were out, no taking them back. And with them, Mike found himself facing a prospect he’d never contemplated—losing Jack.
Jack winced, and the light died in his eyes. “Shit, Mike.”
He grasped Jack’s hand. “There are guys in this industry who do bareback because it’s work and because, let’s face it, there’s no such thing as a full-time job in porn, is there? That also means there are guys out there who can’t afford Truvada, which we both know costs an arm and a leg, so you can forget about health insurance. So yeah, you bet your ass I’m asking if you’re taking care of them. ’Cause I don’t think for one goddamnminute that Rock Hard Men is making sure every guy you film with is positive.” He stared intently at Jack. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
Jack bowed his head, but Mike still caught the words.
“You’re not wrong.”
Mike gazed at Jack’s head, his heart pounding as he awaited Jack’s next words. Jack lifted his chin and met Mike’s gaze head on.
“Yes, babe. I swear. I’m being careful. I take my meds every single morning. I talk to guys on set, make sure they know the facts about Truvada. And you can bet I’m fucking careful on set too.”
Mike looked into those expressive brown eyes. Jack seemed to be holding his breath. Finally Mike nodded. “Thank you.” He was shaking.
Jack sagged onto the pillow, his relief evident. “Fuck, Mike. If you only knew how much I’d been dreading this conversation. I knew it was gonna be bad, but babe, you….” A shudder coursed through him.
Mike shifted on the mattress and pulled Jack to him, enfolding him in his arms. “Shhh, it’s over now.” They lay there in the silence, Mike’s heartbeat returning to its normal pattern. He felt Jack’s tension ease little by little, until he lay quietly, his head tucked against Mike’s chest. For the first time since he’d laid eyes on Jack a few hours ago, Mike relaxed. “Itisgood to see you.” It was the best signal he could give to let Jack know normal conversation could resume.
Jack picked up on it and eased himself out of Mike’s arms. “You too. I’m just sorry we’re not doing a scene together. Mine’s with Jesse, who seems like a nice guy. Young, but aren’t they all these days?” He smiled. “Anyway, enough about me. What’s happening in the world of Scott Masters?” The color had returned to his cheeks.
“Not much.” Mike chuckled. “I say that, and yet I have news similar to yours.” He smiled. “I’ve met someone.”
Jack’s eyes widened. “But that’s great news! Tell me all about him.”
They lay on their sides, facing each other, heads propped up on pillows, while Mike told Jack all about how he’d met Tommy, their weekends together, Tommy’s history. Jack made unhappy noises when he heard about Tommy’s family and theirultimatum but snorted when Mike regaled him with the Scrabble story.
“He sounds like he’s really good for you,” Jack said with a smile. “Well, he’s obviously good for you, ’cause you’ve never looked better.”
“Flatterer.”
“No, really. You look great, Mike.” Jack’s face glowed in the lamplight. “So, does he know about the porn?” Mike let out a heavy sigh, and Jack sat up in bed, eyes wide. “Oh fuck. You haven’t told him, have you?”
“Not yet.”
Jack studied him. “That sounds like you’ve thought about it, at least. Wanna tell me why you’ve put it off so far?”
“Does Luca know about you?” Mike demanded.
“Luca knows everything.” Jack’s face was soft. “Allof it—the porn, my status, even those friends I curl up with when I’m away from him. And he’s fine with it all.”
“Then he’s an exceptional man.” Mike scraped a hand across his scalp. “Jack, the number of times I’ve thought ‘This is it. This is the one.’ Then he finds out about Scott Masters and bingo—adios.” The thought of Tommy’s face, lined in disappointment—or even worse, horror—was too much to contemplate.
“Mike, you have to tell him,” Jack stressed. “You’re hiding a huge part of yourself by not telling him.”
“And what if I don’t want to run the risk of losing him?”
“Mike.” Jack’s voice was gentle.
“Look, I’ll tell him. I’ve already said I would, haven’t I? It’s just a question of finding the right moment.”
“Thenmakethe right moment,” Jack suggested. “It’s nearly spring break, isn’t it? Why don’t you take Tommy away somewhere, just the two of you? I’ll bet with all your traveling, you’ve amassed enough frequent flier miles to be able to take him wherever you might wanna go.”
Mike had to admit it was a good idea. In fact, now he thought about it, the idea really appealed to him. “I’m going to call him tonight. I’ll put it to him then.”
“Great.” Jack stretched out his hand and stroked Mike’s cheek. “So… can I sleep here with you tonight?” His voice softened.
Mike became still beneath that hand. “Since when have you and I ever shared a bed and just slept?” He knew what Jack was asking, and for some unknown reason his stomach clenched.
