Chapter Nineteen
Tommy was tryingto do justice to the delicious dinner Caroline had prepared, but his belly was all knotted up. Every mouthful felt like he was trying to swallow a bowling ball, not that he was hungry anyway. His appetite was all shot to shit. Beside him, Ben was wolfing down chicken like he didn’t know when his next meal was coming. That was Ben, though. It took a lot to distract him from food, bless his heart.
Tommy gave up pushing his dinner around his plate and set down his silverware. He took a drink from his water glass and deliberately steered his thoughts away from their present course and onto the conversations that flowed around him. Caroline was listening to Bethany, who was regaling her with an animated account of what had happened that week at school. It seemed there’d been a major bust-up between Bethany’s friends, and some of the more popular girls had taken the issue onto Facebook. Caroline nodded and made noises in all the right areas, but being the lady she was, she didn’t talk much while she was eating. Benson was eating his dinner and giving long glances toward the financial papers that Caroline had taken away from him and placed out of reach. Every now and then he asked Ben aquestion about school, but Ben was too busy inhaling his dinner to provide any coherent answers.
Tommy loved these Friday nights. All the family gathered around the table for a meal, movies and popcorn later, a real sense of belonging….
And there he was, right back where he’d started, Momma’s letter gnawing at him.
“Tommy? Tommy?”
It took a second or two to register Caroline’s voice. Tommy jerked his head up and met her inquiring gaze. “Yes, ma’am?”
She studied him for a moment. “You all right, honey?” Her eyes were kind. “You were looking kinda lost there for a minute.”
Tommy swallowed. “I’m fine,” he lied. He wasn’t about to talk about this at the dinner table, if at all. Caroline peered intently at him and then gave a nod of acceptance. Tommy made a last-ditch attempt to eat a little more, but his stomach was having none of it. He wanted to leave the table, but he knew that would only raise questions afterward, so he sat there, his mind turning over and over Momma’s words.
With a shock he realized that dinner was over.
“Why don’t y’all go set up the movie?” Caroline suggested to her husband and children. “I don’t think we’ve chosen one yet that we all agree on. I’ll clean up in here.” She glanced at Tommy. “And you can help me fill the dishwasher, okay?”
“Yes, ma’am.” Tommy began collecting the dirty plates and rinsing them before loading them and the silverware into the dishwasher. Benson, Ben, and his sister disappeared, but he caught laughter and exclamations coming from the media room where they usually watched movies. Choosing a DVD was half the fun of Friday nights. Finding one that everyone wanted to watch was usually an exercise in compromise.
“So, you gonna tell me what’s on your mind?” Caroline paused in her task of setting up the coffee machine and regardedTommy steadily. “And don’t lie to me, Tommy, because I know there’s something.”
Tommy sat down at the table, hands clasped in front of him. “I… I got a letter today. From my momma.”
“Oh?” Caroline left what she was doing and came to sit beside him, her hand reaching out to cover his, warm and soft. “This the first you’ve heard from her since Christmas, right?” He nodded. Caroline pursed her lips. “I’m assuming it wasn’t good.”
He let out a heavy sigh. “To be honest? After how my family was, I didn’t expect to hear from anyone. So this was kind of a shock. She said my daddy didn’t know she was writin’ to me.” Tommy’s mind went back to that awful day. It had been Momma who’d tried at the last minute to get him to change his mind.
“What did she say in the letter?” Caroline asked quietly.
He breathed in deeply before replying. “She wanted me to know that if I came home an’ agreed to have the therapy, all would be forgiven. That she loved me. An’ she believed in her heart that I would see ‘the error of my ways.’” Tommy closed his eyes. “She’s not gonna change her mind anymore than I am, is she?”
A gentle hand stroked his hair, and the touch was so tender that he had to fight hard not to weep.
“Sweetheart, I don’t think so. Maybe it’s best if you see that now. Don’t hold onto a false hope.” He felt her lips press softly against his forehead. “Tommy, look at me.” He opened his eyes slowly and gazed at Caroline’s face. She smiled. “Any time you need someone to talk to, I’m here for you, y’hear? I can only imagine how hard it must be, not having the support and love of your parents. So if you ever need a substitute momma? I’m it.” Her eyes sparkled as tears welled there, catching on her thick lashes, and she quickly wiped them away with her hand. “Look at me, getting all misty eyed.”
Impulsively, Tommy threw his arms around her and hugged her, his face buried at her neck where he could smell her perfume, the subtle scent of jasmine. She held him, stroking his hair, his back, and then they parted. Caroline kissed his forehead once more. “You are precious, you hear me?”
Tommy smiled. “Yes, ma’am.”
She rose up from the table and went over to the coffee machine. “Can I ask you somethin’?”
“Sure.” He joined her, collecting mugs from the cabinet for the coffee.
“How are things working out with… Mike, isn’t it?” She tilted her head to one side. “Or am I not supposed to ask that?”
Hell, there went his cheeks, burning up again. “Things are just fine. Thank you for askin’.”An’ please don’t ask me again, he begged silently.
“You haven’t said much about him, is all.” She got the cream jug from the refrigerator and set it on a tray. “So what does he do? Besides work in a gay bar.”
Tommy shrugged. “I don’t rightly know. We never talk about that.” He’d tried a few times to find out a little more about his—what do I call him?My boyfriend?Lover?—about Mike, but somehow the conversation had always gone off on a tangent, leaving Tommy none the wiser. But now he was thinking about it once again, that was for sure.How muchdoI know about Mike, beyond his taste in music an’ movies? He wasn’t even certain of Mike’s age.
Caroline arched her eyebrows. “’Course, that assumes you two actuallydotalk.” There was a glint in her eyes, and right then Tommy wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole.
Yeah, sex takes up alotof our time.How would Mike feel if I said “More talk, less sex”?
