I opened my eyes. “What?”
“I told you that your scent is locked down in my brain."
“Yeah, but I thought that was a joke.”
“I never joke about things like that.”
O-kay. . .
I should have left his hold then. I was calm now and felt safe, but. . .his arms felt too good.
He spoke, “Where were you going today?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why would you be over by the cliffs?”
“I wasn’t by the cliffs.”
“But you saw the pyre.”
“No, Hiro. The pyre was burning outside our bedroom window.”
“What?” His whole body went rigid against mine, muscles locking, breath catching. “Outsidemybrother’s window?”
“Yes.”
“Fuck.” A long exhale. I felt it move through his chest, felt the way his arms adjusted around me—not releasing, but recalibrating. Processing. "My brother would have never wanted you to see that."
"Well, I did." My voice came out rougher than I intended. "And my head is a bit fucked up, but I’ll be okay."
“It’s alright to not be okay for a while after seeing something like that.”
“Is it?”
“Yes.”
“But I’m sure you’ve seen worse.”
“I have and each time I was fucked up from it, I gave that time.”
“How?”
“I just allowed myself to not be okay. You know that. You saw me yesterday.” He sighed again. “What’s going through your head?”
“The vision of it all. The burning bodies. The smell of it. The sound.” I swallowed. “But then there’s the. . .guilt.”
“Yes. . .the guilt.”
“That tears at me even more.”
“And why do you feel guilty?”
“I helped you all by figuring out Sako was the spy.”
“You found a traitor who confessed about other traitors. You didn't light the match."
“I know, but. . .how do you live with guilt? How do you wake up every day knowing what you've done? What you've seen?"
