I didn't know what I was becoming yet. Only that the woman who had walked into Kenji's world weeks ago would not recognize the one sitting here now.
That woman had been soft and reckless.
This woman fed warriors.
Loved killers.
This woman was burning. . .
Kenji disrupted me from my thoughts. "I'm so sorry, Tora. I thought Hiroko would be safe."
"No. I understand."
"Do you really?"
"Yes." I looked at him with more tears threatening to spill. "I just don't want any more people to die, Kenji. I’m ready for the war to end."
“Me too, Tora. Me too.”
“Oh!” Reo yelled out suddenly, breaking the somber mood completely. "Did the Dragon tell you all the good news?"
The Fangs shook their head.
Reo smiled. "We have the Fox’struelocation."
The table erupted instantly with cheers, laughter, and men slamming their hands down hard enough to make dishes rattle.
"Hell yeah!"
"Finally!"
“We’re going to kill those bastards!”
"Let's end this!"
I looked at Kenji. His sake cup sat still in his hand, and his jaw was set in that way it got when he was thinking three moves ahead. His thumb traced the rim of the cup once.
He’s more than ready to kill his father.
The table continued to cheer, but I didn't feel excited at all. All I could think was that. . .death was in the air.
Horrid.
Bloody.
Unmerciful death.
Yet, I remained quiet because they were so happy.
Reo leaned toward Kenji laughing about something that had happened during today's fight while gesturing wildly with one hand still holding chopsticks covered in rice stuck together by soy sauce.
The table exploded into noise. Toma was already reenacting some fight with his chopsticks, nearly taking out Daisuke's miso bowl. Aki was telling Yuki that he'd killed more men, and Yuki was calmly disagreeing with a mouthful of rice. Kaede listened to all of it with his arms folded and that unbothered expression, like he was too cool to brag.
The whole time, Kenji's warmth anchored me as the noise swelled. And I felt it settle into my bones, the truth of what this really was.
This is how they process all the death and violence. This is how they survive.
I turned back toward Kenji slowly while everyone else kept talking loudly around us. They shifted to background noise fading into a white static hum.
