Dane and Liam.
Quill’s best friends.
I close my eyes for a moment, trying to push away the painful memories that are forcing themselves in in.
The two soldiers are fully decked out in camo, their boots leaving temporary prints on the carpet that fade an instant later. It’s hot here, but they’re still in leather jackets, and from Liam’s pocket, I notice a mask peaking out.
A white, featureless mask. The same one Quill wore to visit me in my nightmares.
So that’s what it was. The Devil soldier mask.
“We’re fucked,” breathes Liam, the disgusting blond one, the skin on his red-cheeked face coated in sweat. “They’re going to kill us. Quill shouldn’t have deserted us.”
“Shut the fuck up,” snaps Dane. “You told your dad, I told mine. And we spoke to Quill’s father, too.”
They’re resolutely facing away from me, staring at the double doors on the opposite side of the room. Dane’s got his badge out, but they’re clearly waiting, hesitating, as if dreading to open the doors, so focused on their conversation they never think to look around.
“Quill should’ve spoken to his own dad,” grunts Liam. “That’s not our job.”
“Isaid, shut the fuck up!”
“Or what? It’s not like he can hear us. Do you really think he’ll know what we’re saying when he’s not even in the room, and come slit our throats in our sleep?”
“Yeah, I do. He’s capable of it. He’s capable of anything.”
The words send a shiver down my spine, and my heart starts to race in my chest. All thoughts of my own predicament areforgotten as the sight of their faces feels like it’s bringing me physical pain. The name of Quill on their tongue nearly makes me throw up. All the repressed memories from three years ago are crushing me right now.
“So then why the hell have we been putting up with that monster for years? It’s not for the money, that’s for sure. Yeah, we’re fucking millionaires, but I’d rather having a million dollars less and an unslit throat.”
“He protects us,” grits out Dane.
“Yeah, right. He’s the one responsible for us being completely screwed, and he’s not even here to face the music with us. And if we criticize him, we’re done for.”
“He’s loyal,” insists Dane. “As long as we’re loyal to him, he’ll be loyal to us. We’re just going to keep following him, and it’s going to turn out all right. It always has, and it always will.”
With that, he passes his badge over the small scanner on the wall, and the doors open.
I sink back against the wall, my heart beating so hard it feels like it’s going to implode.
“Close call,” huffs out Josh as the doors slide shut behind Liam and Dane.
Then he glances at me and freezes. I guess I must look like quite a sight. “Is there something wrong?”
I close my eyes, willing my pulse to slow down. I feel sick to my stomach. I’m going to throw up. I’m actually going to throw up.
Seeing them here has brought everything back. I can’t pretend anymore. I can’t allow my body to respond to Quill and my mind to turn off. I feel disgusted, absolutely revolted with myself for having given in to him. He’s right, he must be right, Iamworthless, but not for the reasons he says. It’s because I allowed the worst person in the world, the person who is responsible for my destruction, to touch me.
Not just to touch me. To fuck me.
I’m pathetic. I’m really fucking pathetic.
“What’s wrong?” asks Josh, putting his hand on my arm.
The touch startles me and I yank my arm away, edging back toward the wall. I haven’t had a panic episode in so long, not for two years, but I feel it creeping in. I can’t breathe. I can’t fucking breathe.
It feels like I’m back at the beginning of senior year, getting dunked again and again in the water by the only person I’ve ever loved.
And his lips are not on me right now to make me forget the monster he is.
