“If Citi is reading this, then I’m gone, and I’m really sorry for leaving you both behind. If the love you both filled me with could have been converted into life, I’d have been immortal. Not a day went by, nor a minute, or even a second, where I questioned that. Some women wander through their whole lives alone, looking for the right man. And then there was me, with the two best ones on the planet. No wonder God called me home. Bitches be up here getting jealous.”
Citi’s face flames red as we all laugh. I rest my hand on Brodie’s shoulder and give it a squeeze.
“Now, as I go off on my next adventure—and when I say adventure, I mean finding a reading spot in a library with unlimited books and a ladder—know I’ll be watching you both. I was amazing. You were both lucky to have me, so no using me as an excuse to do stupid shit, or I’ll haunt you. Brodie, I know it will be hard having had all this awesomeness in your life, but I don’t want you to be alone. You have so much love to give. I was a better person because you loved me. Promise me you won’t shut yourself off to loving someone else, or I’ll teach myself some tricks and steal all your left shoes and hide your keys for an eternity.”
Brodie’s shoulders shake once more, but this time under the weight of his grief.
“And Ambros? I know you think you’re alone now, but it’s my job as your big sister to remind you that you’re an idiot. Look around you. You found a family, and because of that, I got to share them with you for a little while. Best brother ever.”
Citi folds the paper and looks out at us, her gaze glancing around the whole room.
“I never really understood the saying, full of life, until I met Ella. Ironic, I know. How can someone who was dying be so full of life? But she was. And god, it was contagious. She made me want to live, even on the days when I would have traded places with her in a heartbeat.”
She waves her arm over the crowd. “Look at how loved she was. Look at the smiles and tears, the holding hands and heads on shoulders. She loved with her whole heart, and she brought that out in others. I’m sorry she’s leaving us far too soon, but my god, we were so lucky we had her for as long as we did.”
* * *
I wait outside the restroom, leaning against the wall with my eyes closed, needing a minute away from the crowd. Everyone means well, with their wishes and prayers. But if I have to hear someone’s condolences one more time, I’m going to scream.
When the door clicks, I crack one eye open and turn my head as Citi walks out. She jolts when she sees me, pausing before her eyes drift to the main doors, then back to me.
“You wanna escape?”
She winces. “No, of course not.”
“Liar. Come on, let’s get the fuck out of here.” I hold my hand out for her and watch as she bites her lip before placing her smaller one in mine.
I tug her to me. She tenses, but she doesn’t pull away.
“Where’s Star?”
“With Kruger, Delphi, and Theo. I think she has a crush on Theo.”
I narrow my eyes at that. She’s far too young to be crushing on boys. I keep my mouth shut, though. I’ll just keep a lookout and make sure she doesn’t make googly eyes at anyone else.
“She’s in good hands.”
“I know,” she says softly as I lead her outside and down to my bike. She hesitates when we get to it.
I take in her knee-length black dress with the slightly flared skirt and the black Converse on her feet. “Not really dressed for the bike.”
She looks down at her outfit before holding up her finger to me. I watch as she walks over to Havoc’s truck and pulls a key from her pocket. She looks at me and shrugs. “He gave me a spare in case I got overwhelmed and had to hide out.”
She reaches in the back and pulls out a messenger bag. She rummages around inside before she pulls out a pair of leggings. Toeing off her Converse, she shimmies into them, tugging them up under her dress before slipping her Converse back on. Next, she swaps out her black cardigan for a black leather jacket before putting the bag back into the truck and relocking it.
“There. It’s not perfect, but it’s better, right?”
I nod and hold my hand out for her again. Something about having her touch me helps keep me grounded. She comes willingly, and when I pull her to my chest, just needing a second, she lets me. Her hands fist the side of my cut as I press my chin to the top of her head, and we stand there in the quiet parking lot of the church.
“We’d better go before someone comes looking for us,” she mumbles into my chest.
“Good idea. Have you been on the back of a bike before?”
She gives me a look that has me mentally cursing. Of course, she hasn’t been on a fucking bike, you idiot. She spent most of her life in captivity.
“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”
“It’s fine, Ambros. I don’t expect you to pussyfoot around my triggers.”
