“Understandable. Is he the reason why you left your father’s home?”
“He played a part in my decision. I love my dad, and physically, I healed under his care. But mentally, it was another story altogether. His faith kept him going. I lost mine somewhere between cleaning blood from my inner thighs when I was ten-years-old and burying my first child. We no longer fit into the same boxes we used to. What happened changed me, but it changed him, too. It changed all of us. I knew if I didn’t leave and figure out how to stand on my own two feet, I’d make myself a hostage all over again.”
“So you went to stay with your sister?”
“No, I stayed at one of the houses that one of the brothers rents. I kept it quiet. I needed a chance to adjust, and I knew if Nevaeh knew I was here, she’d swoop in and take over. It was crappy of me to get Havoc to lie for me, but I wasn’t sure what else to do.”
“Did it put a strain on their relationship?”
I lean forward and frown. “No, I don’t think so. I hope not.”
“I only ask because you said you were a twin. Put yourself in your sister’s shoes. Would you like to find out that your sister and partner were hiding things from you?”
I shake my head, my stomach cramping at the damage I might have done. “I didn’t think.”
“You didn’t know. It’s not the same thing. Now you do. Havoc shouldn’t have put himself in that situation, but that’s on him, not you. Just be wary next time. Not everyone will have your best intentions at heart.”
“He’s been good to me. They all have.”
“I’m not doubting that, and I certainly don’t think they’re bad people. My only concern here is you. I think it’s more than likely they just haven’t thought about how things will affect you differently.”
I screw up my face, not wanting to be different. I am so freaking tired of not fitting in with everyone else.
“Don’t let this upset you or set you back. Things will get easier. It’s just important that you look at things from all angles. You’re used to living your life through a certain lens. You had zero interaction with people your own age, and important stages you would have normally learned during your adolescent years are missing.”
I lean back and think over his words. I know he’s right. I don’t have to like it though.
“How’s Star doing?”
Appreciating the change of subject, I fill him in on her new school and how well she’s settling in.
“I’ve heard good things about that place.”
I smile, glad that something seems to be going well. “If it wasn’t for Nevaeh, I couldn’t afford Addison Prep. I’m so grateful. Star is blooming there.”
“Well, with that weight off your mind, let’s go back to the sex talk. Why were you so worried when you came in? I’d understand you being shy, perhaps.” He cocks his head in thought. “Did you think I’d judge you?”
I shrug, but that’s the crux of it. “Maybe. I mean, should I enjoy sex after what happened to me?”
“I suppose you could always join a nunnery if it would make you feel better,” he deadpans, making me chuckle. “There is no right or wrong here. Some people can’t bear to be touched, let alone participate in any intimacy. Others go the other way, having sex often, seeking to gain back the control that was stripped from them.”
I blow out a relieved breath. “I guess I just fall somewhere in the middle then.”
“Time will tell. Either way, you can tell me anything. And remember, I won’t judge you. That’s the beauty of therapy. So from now on, check your shame at the door.” He winks, making me blush. I’m not dead, and Michael is seriously good-looking, but only one man gets my heart racing. And I can’t wait to be done here and get back to him.
* * *
I head out just as it starts raining. I stand outside the glass doors for a moment, face tipped up to the sky. I’ve always loved the rain. Something about it makes me feel less alone. I pictured Nevaeh dancing in the downpour, splashing through puddles in her yellow rainboots and matching coat. I had a matching set in pink. I haven’t thought about that coat?—
I open my eyes, refusing to let that day or that man encroach on my thoughts. I walk at a leisurely pace to the cafe, which means I’m soaked by the time I get there.
The server looks up at me as I enter, her eyes going wide. “Oh my goodness, it’s really coming down out there. Take a seat in the corner where the heater is before you catch your death.”
I nod in thanks and head to the table she points at. The cafe is empty except for me, which is the opposite of how it usually is. I guess most people aren’t crazy enough to be out in this weather.
“What can I get you, lovely?”
I turn to the counter where the woman is calling from. “Can I get a hot chocolate and an almond croissant, please?”
