He grits his teeth, fighting to keep his temper in check.
“How about you come down to the gym with me. I said I was going to teach Citi some moves, and I meant it, but I think it might be worth teaching Star a thing or two as well. Let’s see what happens the next time a boy puts his hand on her.”
An evil grin spreads across his face before he slaps me on the shoulder. “I like the way you think, brother.”
Chapter Seven
CITI
I keepmy hand wrapped around Star’s as we follow Havoc and Ambros into the gym.
My anger has dipped from a full blazing inferno to bubbling lava at this point. The waves of defeat wafting from Star both fan the flame and douse it with regret. I hate this for her. Hate that she’s treated differently because people don’t understand that different doesn’t mean bad. The adults that I entrusted to help her transition are the ones I’m most pissed about, though. I’m sick and tired of the lack of empathy in the world. I had no idea that during all the years I wished and prayed to live outside the walls of my cage, the rainbows and sunshine I dreamed of were little more than a mirage.
Ambros leads us into a small, empty room before indicating that we move closer. Havoc walks to the side of the room and starts dragging some mats toward us.
Dropping to a crouch in front of Star, Ambros talks to her softly. “Hey, princess. I heard you had a crappy day at school.”
Star looks at him with wide eyes as he lifts his hand and slips a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Uncle Havoc and I are going to teach you how to fight back so the next time someone thinks about putting their hands on you, they’ll think twice.”
Okay, wow. I never thought about teaching Star to fight, only myself. But after today, I can see that was an oversight on my part. I had hoped to preserve some of her childhood after having the majority of it steeped in violence, but I guess that’s not possible. And maybe a sign of my naivety to ever think it could be.
“You okay with that?” he asks her.
She looks up at me in question, so I drop down to her height. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, but Ambros and Havoc are going to be teaching me too. I get scared, just like you do. I don’t want that fear to hold us back,” I tell her, not sure she’ll understand.
My girl is smart, though. She nods before looking at Ambros. When she fists both her hands and brings them up in a boxer’s stance, I can’t help the grin that slips over my face.
“There’s my little fighter.”
Ambros, dare I say it, looks a little choked up. He wraps his large, scarred hand around one of Star’s and turns it a little before adjusting the other. “No, don’t tuck your thumb. That’s it.”
I turn to Havoc when he steps up, his eyes on Star as he talks to me.
“Want me to work with you for a little while?”
I swallow before nodding, suddenly very much aware of the size difference between him and me. I follow him over to where he has some of the mats set up. I sit down and tug off my shoes and socks as he slips out of his cut and toes off his boots.
“I’m not going to teach you how to hit me today. I’m not going to teach you how to escape.”
“Okay. So what are you going to teach me?”
“How to survive.”
“I think I’ve got that part down, Havoc.”
He offers me a sad smile but nods. “True enough. But there may come a time when you need to think on your feet. A split-second reaction can make all the difference between your safety and Star’s safety. If you’re thrown back into a PTSD episode every time you’re grabbed or pinned, it will steal away the precious moments you have to make an escape.”
I feel the air rush from my lungs. He’s right, but I can’t just rewire my brain to not be scared. I tell him as much.
“And that’s why we’ll work on it. Maybe it will take ten attempts, maybe it will take fifty. But at some point, muscle memory will take over and your fear won’t be in the driver’s seat anymore. That’s what I want to work on.”
I wring my hands together, knowing it’s a good idea, but hating the thought of it too. “I don’t know, Havoc. You might hate yourself for this afterward.”
“Maybe. But it’s not about me. It’s about you.”
I blow out a shaky breath and nod. “Okay.”
