“I thought you had a meeting with Lou?” Havoc says to Nevaeh, whose eyes widen before she glances down at her watch.
“Shoot, Rex. You didn’t remind me.” She jumps off the stool and hurries away.
“She calls her watch Rex?” Dice chuckles.
“She has a Toy Story watch face. You know what? Don’t ask.” Havoc shakes his head. “What are you two up to anyway?”
Dice taps the bar. “I’m heading down to the shelter. Kruger wants me to do a drop-in, see if anyone might have heard from Lil. Then I’m heading over to meet Powers and Midas at the track.”
Havoc nods before turning to me.
“I’m heading out to see Citi.”
He looks back at where Nevaeh just disappeared to. “She ask you to go?”
“Yeah, she’s worried.”
“She feels helpless.”
“I know, but the harder she pushes, the further away Citi will land.”
He rubs his hand over his face. “I know. I head over once a week to play with Star so Citi can have an hour or two just to be alone. I don’t tell my old lady because she’ll want to come, and that’s not what this is. You know what Citi does for that hour or so? She soaks in the bath and cries. Something I know she refuses to do in front of Star. But if she doesn’t get it out, it will eat her alive.”
“It might not seem like a lot, but I know it’s helping. You’re one of the few people she trusts to protect Star. Considering everything, that’s a big fucking deal.”
“I know. Doesn’t mean I don’t feel like shit every time I walk out of here and lie to my old lady about where I’m going.”
“Then tell her the truth. But don’t let her convince you to take her along. Get real with her. Because, as much as I love Tink, this isn’t about her. It’s about Citi. I get that Tink lost her sister,Havoc. I do. But Citi lost herself, and she’s still trying to find her.”
He nods. “Go. I’ll talk to Tink. See if I can get her to understand where Citi’s coming from.”
“Good luck with that.” I slap him on the shoulder, leave my still-full beer on the bar, and head to the door.
“Ambros.”
I turn when he calls me. “I’m not just here for Citi. You feel me?”
I nod. “I feel you.”
I swallow and leave, not ready to go there yet. I want to talk about Ella, I do, but right now it’s too much. I’m still stuck in that loop where I wake up in the morning and for a split second, I forget that she’s gone. And then it all comes crashing back, and I lose her all over again.
I get pulling away, though I have the club there at my back when I need them. Sometimes it’s just too fucking hard to put on my game face and pretend everything’s okay when it’s not.
Not wanting to turn up empty-handed, I head to The Book Nook, knowing Delphi will have something on hand for breakfast. I park my bike and push the door open, finding it quiet, which, given the time, isn’t surprising.
“Hey, Ambros,” Delphi calls out from behind the counter before walking around to greet me. I stay still while she hugs me. She can still get a little spooked, which—given her history—isn’t surprising.
She pulls back and looks up at me. “You here for food, books, or my amazing company?”
I grin. “All three?” She looks at me suspiciously. “Okay, I came for food. I’m heading over to see Citi.”
“Pastries to go?”
“Perfect.”
“You want any drinks with that?”
“I would grab Citi a hot chocolate, but I’m on the bike.”
