“You are a victim, though, Citi. There is no shame in that.”
“There is shame in that. Jasper’s shame. I carry a little, sure, but even I know it’s misguided. I’m a victim, fine. But I’m so much more than that. I’m a survivor, a fighter, a mother, a sister, a friend, a daughter, and a lover. I’m stubborn and precocious, wary but hopeful, scared and brave. I am so many things, and I’m frustrated that you only ever focus on one.” I snap my mouth closed after my outburst as he looks at me thoughtfully.
“You’re right. I apologize.” He places his iPad back on his desk and folds his hands in his lap. “Why don’t you tell me what else has happened, and I’ll think before I speak.”
I sigh, tempted to call the session short. But he looks earnest, so I shuffle through what else has happened, think about what I struggled with the most, and decide to tell him about the incident at the school.
I start by explaining the call from Star’s school while Amity and I were at the movies—and how a man, identifying himself as Jasper Markham, tried to collect Star from school.
“How terrifying. Did they identify the man?”
“They captured him on CCTV. He’s a man known to the MC.”
He winces. “So your child was almost abducted because of her ties to the club?”
“I realize it’s easy to cast judgment when you know nothing about MCs, but don’t assume this was their fault. They didn’t invite this psycho into their lives. He just strolled right on inlike he was owed something. Would you blame the victim of domestic violence for opening her home to her attacker, or for marrying a man who turned into a monster on the eve of their honeymoon? Are you going to blame the victim for what she wore when she was raped, because I was wearing a?—”
“Pink raincoat and matching boots, I know. And I wasn’t blaming you at all. I’m sorry if I gave you that impression.”
I fold my arms defensively as he runs his hands through his hair.
My phone chimes in my pocket. Usually, I’d ignore it during a session, but knowing what’s going on back at home, I pull it out and glance at the screen, feeling my face fall at the news.
“Something wrong?”
“Just some bad news.”
He stares at me, waiting for more. With a huff, I tell him about Lil, more than eager to have the attention off me for a minute. I leave out anything that might incriminate the club.
“So this Jane Doe, they’ve confirmed it’s Lilac?”
“The dental report confirms it,” I murmur before I freeze. I blink, swallowing the bile in my throat as I look up into Michael’s eyes. “How did you know my raincoat was pink?”
He frowns, distracted. “What?”
“You said I was wearing a pink raincoat and boots, and you’re right. I just never got that far in the story.”
He sighs, folding his hands together. “Your story made national news, Citi. Your face was plastered everywhere, along with a description of the clothing you were wearing when you were taken.”
My shoulders sag. “Right, I’m sorry. The text has left me on edge. I think I need to go. I’m just not in the right headspace for this. I’ll be more prepared for this next week.”
I get to my feet and move to the door, my palms feeling slick as nausea swirls in my stomach.
“Citi, wait.”
I pause with my hand on the door, tugging it open a fraction before answering. “Lil is short for Lilian, which I’m guessing is pretty common. I never said her name was Lilac.”
“That’s because it’s not.”
I spin around to confront him, only he’s not in his chair. He’s standing in front of me, all vestiges of the cool and calm therapist gone in the blink of an eye.
Taking advantage of my shock, he grabs me by the throat and yanks me closer. “That’s the name I gave her, and nobody gets to call her Lilac but me.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
AMBROS
Havoc decidedit was too important to wait for Capone to get back with Star. We’d fill him in later. Glancing around at all the ashen faces, I wonder if he realizes the reprieve he’s been given or if he instinctively already knows. It’s the news we were expecting, and yet were all praying for a different outcome.
