“You love her.”
“Of course, I fucking love her.”
“Then that’s your answer. It’s because you love her that you want what’s best for her, and shit like that makes us take a long, hard look at ourselves. If you think she deserves a better man, then be a better man.”
I think about what he’s saying. He’s right, and despite my reservations, I know I’m the right man for her. Time to fucking prove it. The project I’ve been working on flashes through my head, steeling my resolve.
“King?”
“Yeah.”
“I need a favor.”
Chapter Thirty-One
CITI
“And I thoughtmy life was intense. At least things have eased off a little over the years,” Six says with a smile as our drinks are placed in front of us.
“Here’s to things easing off over the years.” I clink my cup to Six’s as her eyes flit over my shoulder.
“Are they still standing there like sentries?”
“Oh yeah. Be grateful Will couldn’t come, or it would be even worse.” She chuckles before tipping her chin. “Does it bother you? I can ask King to move.”
“No. It doesn’t bother me, even if I think part of me is supposed to be bothered by it. Okay, that doesn’t make sense even to me.”
“No, it does. I have friends who are all super independent and bosses in their own right who don’t need a man for anything. I guess I’m just wired differently,” she says, dipping her head, pink stealing across her cheeks.
“Same. I mean, I want to be strong. I want to be able to fight, but not so I can kick bad guy ass, but so I can get myself free andrun. Having them watching over us makes me feel safe and less…I don’t know…alone?”
“Yes. That’s how I feel, too. I can be brave. I can fight back, and I can even put myself between someone else and danger. But I’m no hero. I’m not out chasing glory or notoriety. I mostly want to be left alone, which is dumb because I’ve been alone a lot and it’s awful. So I’m not really sure how to explain it.”
“You want only the people you like around you, no strangers or small talkers. Just a small circle who notice when you’re emotionally overstimulated and need to tap out.”
“Yes!!” she shouts excitedly. We both turn to see the guys looking at us with amused expressions. I look back at Six, and after a beat, we both crack up laughing.
Once we have ourselves under control, I take a sip of my hot chocolate as Six chatters away about things in her neck of the woods. She sounds like she really does have some interesting friends.
When there is a lull in our mostly one-sided conversation, I place my mug down and lean forward. “Thanks for meeting up with me again. I feel like I can just be myself with you. Not that any of my friends expect anything from me, I think I just expect too much of myself when I’m with them.”
“When everyone has their shit together, it’s hard to be the one who’s barely treading water. You should meet Viddy. That woman could give King a run for his money with how intimidating she is. It took me a while to realize nobody expects me to be like her. They want me to be myself. I’m sure your friends and family are the same. You just need to stop putting pressure on yourself.”
“Easier said than done. There’s an expectation there, whether it’s me who put it there or them, I don’t know. I think it’s worse because I have Star. Single moms are judged differently, regardless of their circumstances. I’m positive Icould find at least a couple of people in this town who would say I could have worked harder to make things work with Star’s father. They’d judge me being a single mom much harder than the pedophile who impregnated me. I just get so frustrated sometimes.”
“I think that’s normal. Not the small-minded people, though unfortunately, you’re always going to encounter those. I don’t share my story often, but I have done a few group therapy sessions as part of my overall therapy experience and met one or two people who treated me like I was some kind of slut because of where I came from. Ironic, given I’ve only ever been with Will.”
“That’s disgusting. I really do hate people sometimes. And I know I shouldn’t, but seriously, some people really should just be set on fire.”
“Funny, Will thought the same thing.” She smirks, finishing her drink as I try to decide if she’s joking or if Will really did set someone on fire. I’m better off not knowing.
“I told my therapist that I slept with Ambros.”
“And?” she questions when I don’t add anything further.
“I don’t know. I built it up in my head. I worried that the things Jasper said to me over the years might be true. That I deserved what happened to me, and a host of other things. I never enjoyed it with him. I didn’t even think of it as sex, but as punishment. Was I nervous to be intimate with Ambros? Of course, but it was so far removed from what I’d experienced that I didn’t freak out at all. I was prepared for it. We both were. And when I didn’t…”
“You let his voice get in your head. You’re right, what that asshole did to you wasn’t sex. It was power, control, dominance, whatever you want to call it. What it wasn’t was love. Now you have that, and that bloom you had to hide now gets to grow andflourish and soak in all the yummy goodness that comes with that.”
