I open my lips to speak, to say the words I need to say, but my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth and my jaw refuses to move.
“I will miss how much you made me laugh,” Fly continues, eloquently. “How fiercely you believed in things and how you could always solve every problem – or at least you’d try with a book and a lot of determination.”
I nod in agreement.
This feels unreal. Like I’m not really here. Like I’m watching the scene play out somewhere outside my own body.
“I know you believed in Briony, in me, in all of us and this cause, and we’re going to try our darnedest to make things right because we know that’s what you’d’ve wanted us to do.” He leans forward and kisses her cold forehead and for a moment all I can do is close my eyes and breathe. When I open them again both Fly and Mrs. Tudor are looking at me with sympathy. “Cupcake, is there anything you want to say?”
I swallow and try again. “I haven’t had many friends in my life, Clare, and I never knew what I was missing until I met you and Fly. You have no idea how my life changed just knowing you. Just loving you. I will miss you. And I don’t want to say goodbye.”
Mrs. Tudor draws the blanket carefully back over Clare’s face and she disappears from view. It sets Fly to sobbing again, and the older woman guides us both out of her kitchen.
“What will you do with her body?” I ask her, the words making me sick.
“We can bury her in the graveyard,” she says, “give her a proper service.”
“She should go home to her parents,” I say, “it’s what she would have wanted.”
Mrs. Tudor looks to her son and I can almost read her thoughts. Transporting Clare’s body back to her parents will be tricky, if not impossible.
“I need to tell her parents, I have to go to Granite,” I tell them all. My eyes flick to Fly. His bottom lip trembles in response. “I need to tell them what’s happened to her. I owe it to Clare.”
“Okay,” Thorne says, before Beaufort can cut in and argue with my plan. “I’ll come with you.”
“We’ll all come with you,” Beaufort adds.
“No,” I say firmly. “I’ve already lost someone I love today. I’m not prepared to risk you all. The rest of you are going back to the academy, and you’re taking Fly with you so that he’s safe. Blaze too. Barney,” I turn to Mrs. Tudor, “can he stay here, just for the time being, until all this is over?”
“Of course, he can, dear. He’d be very welcome.”
“The two of you aren’t going off alone,” Beaufort argues.
“My best friend just died. I’m not losing you or Dray or Fly or Blaze.”
“But you’re prepared to lose Thorne?” Dray says, with a little dark humor.
“I don’t know where I’m going,” I say. “I’ve never been to Granite before, and I need someone to help me.”
“You’re sure about this?” Beaufort asks.
“One hundred percent.” I hesitate. “But someone needs to tell Damien.”
“Damien?” Beaufort asks.
“Clare’s boyfriend,” Fly explains. “I’ll do it.” But it’s clear he’s in no state for anything like that right now.
“No, I’ll do it,” Beaufort offers.
“Really?” I tilt my head to one side.
“What do you mean?” he asks.
“I don’t know, you’re not exactly…” I chew on my lip. “You will do it gently and carefully, right, Beaufort?”
“Of course,” he says, clearly a little insulted.
“Doesn’t matter how he says it, Little Kitten, still gonna suck.”
