“I remember,” Harper sighed, picking up his coffee cup before quickly setting it back down.“And it wasn’t a ‘what’ that made me give up swimming, it was a ‘who.’As in ...Chaz Farmer.”
Banks racked his brain for a moment, then remembered.“The exchange student?”
“He was from France, but not Paris.He used to say that to everyone who asked, like being from Paris was so bad?Anyway, it was sophomore year, I was just hitting my stride.Moved up to varsity, breaststroke was my thing, we were supposed to go to an away meet, my first.Anyway, Coach kept me late one day after practice and the rest of the team had all kind of drifted away except for Chaz.He had taken a shower but was still drying off when I walked into the locker room.I wanted to back out, but...”
Harper’s voice trailed off slightly, making Banks have to hunch a little forward to hear better.“Why?”
“I dunno,” Harper confessed, eyes sad and quiet in the shadows beneath the brim of his hat.“He just always gave me the creeps.He was older, too, a junior maybe, but like maybe the grades were different in France and he probably should have been a senior?And wiser and way more fluid than the rest of the guys in Sagebrush, for sure.That European thing, I guess, where it was okay to stand around in the locker room and dry his junk off for five minutes while I stood around, not quite wanting to undress in front of him.”
“Where was Coach?”
“Long gone by then, so it was just the two of us.And I couldn’t help but feel like he had waited for me.”
Banks met Harper’s sad, wistful gaze.“So, that shirt you’re wearing?Is it just for show, or...”
Harper smirked, the sad smile better than his sad eyes.“Yeah, well, just because I was into guys didn’t mean I was into every guy.”
Banks was almost relieved.“So he just wasn’t your type?”
“Creepy isn’t my type, Banks.I didn’t know what my type was back then.I suppose I still really don’t, but creepy?Will never be my type.”
Banks nudged his foot again.“Duly noted.”
“Anyway, he didn’t seem to mind that I wasn’t getting in the showers right away.And it turns out he had waited for me.Chaz had found out the room assignments for the away meet and we were rooming together.”
“Oy.”
“Oy is right.And while he said it, he was rubbing himself and he was ...was...”
“Don’t say it.”
“You asked, Banks.”
“Hard?He was hard?”
“Way hard!And he kept letting the towel slip slightly, then not so slightly, until it fell to the floor at his big, stupid, hairy feet and it was like he wanted me to look at how hard he was.And I guess I did, it’s all a big blur, but not in a good way and ...and...”
Banks reached out, gently, but insistently, covering Harper’s big hand with his own.It was clenched, like a fist, and he covered it with his palm like fondant icing over a cupcake, resting it there until he could feel Harper’s grip loosen just a smidge.“It’s okay, Harp.You’re here now, way far away from there.Did he...”
“No, no, he never touched me.I never touched him.It wasn’t anything like that, but it was almost worse because I ran and as I ran, all I could hear was his laughter down the hallway, big and stupid and loud and cocky and European, and the next day?I told Coach I couldn’t go to the away game.He got pissed, said it was a dealbreaker and if I didn’t go, I’d be off the varsity team until tryouts the next year.I told him so be it and just never looked back.”
Banks felt the resistance loosening beneath his hand and slid it, reluctantly, away.It had been so long since he’d touched someone else, and the rush of human contact left him wanting more.“That sucks, Harper.Honestly.That someone did that to you, took away your dream of swimming varsity, right at your prime.”
Harper gave a little chagrined shrug.“I mean, it wasn’t mydreamdream.I was pretty good at it, I think, but it was never going to get me a scholarship or anything.I mainly did it because my stepdad insisted I play a sport and that was the easiest one I’d found.”
“Still, Harper, you know what I mean.”
