“Did you ask her what she was doing?”
I thought back. Really thought back. “Not initially. I think I accused her of reading it first, then sending it to someone.”
“And how did she respond?”
My eyes closed as I saw hers water. The shock on her face. The anger. The hurt. The defeat. Shaking my head didn’t shake the visual of her sad expression out of my memory.
“She tried to tell me that it wasn’t what it looked like.”
“And what did it look like to you?” My eyes opened and found his already on me.
“That she was doing exactly what Tiffany did. Tiffany told me that she was sending an email that day. I believed her. The next day, my book was online, and we had to fight like hell to get it down. So when Avery told me that she was sending an email, Ilost it. I went back to that moment, and maybe I reacted the way I did because I trusted Tiffany too much.”
“But that wasn’t Tiffany,” he reminded me.
“I know, Pops. I fucked up.” Covering my face with my hands as my head shook, I sat back in my seat. “I didn’t even give her a chance.”
When I felt something on my lap, I lowered my hands and saw him setting my laptop down. “I ain’t no tech wiz, but when you log into your email account, it stays open until you log out, right?”
“Right,” I confirmed.
“Open your browser and see if you can find anything based on your history. It’ll show you what she logged into right? Maybe you can still see it.”
I didn’t even have to look at the history. She used Gmail, and it was still pulled up. I went to her sent folder, and sure enough, there was an email that she sent to her editor. As I read it, I felt even worse. Avery had basically accepted the fact that she might lose her job because of our blooming relationship, and here I was accusing her of betraying me.
“She really sent an email,” I grumbled before cursing under my breath and closing the laptop.
“That was a test,” Pops said, keeping me from going too far in my head. “In that moment, Avery was a mirror. She showed you that maybe you aren’t as healed as you thought you were. And as much as you wanted to trust her and be with her, there was still a part of you holding on to what the last woman did. Now you have every right to feel how you feel when you’re triggered, but it isyourresponsibility to heal from that trauma so you can pass your tests.”
“I’ve already failed.”
“Nah. You’ll only fail if you don’t make things right with her.”
He stood and squeezed my shoulder before leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I’d fucked up royally, and I had no idea how I was going to fix it, but one thing I knew for sure was that I wanted to fix it. I couldn’t lose Avery . . . not like this. Pulling out my phone, I went to text her, and I couldn’t. She’d blocked me. Going back online, I copied her email then logged into my account. As I drafted the email, all I could do was hope she read it instead of immediately blocking me.
Honey,
I fucked up.
I’m so sorry.
After I finish this book, I promise I’ll fix it.
Ali
After sending the email, I closed my computer and sat with my thoughts. Pops was right. I still had some healing to do, and I felt like that healing would only come by letting go of the past completely. If I didn’t, it was going to rob me of the woman who held the key to my future.
14
Avery
I didn’t want to be alone, so after I went home long enough to shower, cry a little, and pack a new bag, I went straight to my parents’ house. Without any details, they could tell something was off with me. I didn’t give them the full story of what happened, but I did let them know I’d gotten distracted, rearranged my priorities, and had to deal with the consequences of it.
As much as I didn’t want to hear Jessica’s mouth, I texted her and told her she was right. What I had with Aliwasn’treal, and just as fast as it started, it was over. I snuggled up with the teddy bear my daddy had gotten me to boost my spirits when there was a light tap on the door. I told whoever it was to come in thinking it was one of my parents, but it was Jessica. She came in with puppy dog eyes and a to-go bag from my favorite restaurant, but I didn’t have an appetite.
“I’m sorry, pooh,” were the first words out of her mouth.
