“Mannn,” I drawled. “I know fucking well that you haven’t been getting my kids to stay here, and this muthafucka aint even furnished yet.”
“I haven’t been here that long, Christian.”
“Long enough to at least have somewhere to sit in the living room,” I argued.
She shrugged. “When I got it, then I’ll get it.”
“Nah, you should’ve told me. I would’ve let you use one of my cards to order whatever you needed.”
“That’s good to know, Christian…but excuse me if I’m not moving like I know that you’ll step in and save the day. I honestly don’t even know if I should settle into his house.”
I furrowed my brows. “And why is that?”
“Cause. You was feeling guilty and helped me pay to move in here. But I don’t work, and the moment I piss you o", then I could find myself not being able to pay the rent. So, I’m just feeling my way through this.”
I tilted my head. “When have I ever not provided, Tera?”
“Oh, nigga, there’s been some times.” She nodded. “Especially whenever I piss you o". You’re quick to hold back those residuals.”
“Right. If we aint seeing eye to eye, then that mall run aint my responsibility. That aint got shit to do with my kids having a stable environment whenever they’re with you. Don’t conflate the two.”
“So, you’re saying that you’ll pay this rent no matter what?” “No matter what, Tera.”
Her lashes futtered. “Then why not buy me a house?” “Damn,” I lightly laughed. “You went from zero to a hundred,
real quick.”
“Not really,” she denied. “I’m talking about some security, Christian. Something that can’t be taken when you’re mad.”
“Okay. I’m not opposed to helping you buy a house. But I’m not finna just buy it for you. I canhelp. I got the downpayment, and can even help with the mortgage payments. But you need a job, Tera. Cause I’m done hustling, and I have to make wise financial decisions. So, I don’t wanna agree to have that type of responsibility rest solely on my shoulders. You need to be working and saving. To carry your own load to a certain extent.”
“I need to work?” She pointed at her chest. “Yeah.”
“But what about thatbitchyou got at home,” she seethed. “Are you tellingherthat she needs to work too? Or is she allowed to sit on her ass, and pretend to watch my big ass kids?”
I shook my head in disappointment. “Why make this ‘bout her, Tera?”
“Cause it’s about her!” She shouted. “I was with you when you didn’t have shit. I remember those broke nights, and you’d swear up and down that you’d always take care of me. Then I gave you kids, and you said that I could have whatever I want. And now, I gotta get a job, because you trying to make the next bitch happy?!”
“You left!” I exploded. “I aint saying that you didn’t have your reasons, but you chose to walk away. Then when you got sick, you
still didn’t come to me. You let all this time pass, and now you mad, cause a nigga didn’t fall apart. I moved on—”
“Cause you never loved me like you were supposed to” Her face turned beet red. “Ask yourself if you’d let that bitch walk away without fighting for her! You never even pulled up, once I didn’t come get the kids. Cause you didn’t give a fuck!”
Hearing that, I took a deep breath. I could go back and forth with her, but low key, she was right. At the time, I honestly thought that I loved Tera. At least gauging from what I thought love was. But I could never seem to show up for her how she needed. And I honestly just assumed that the way I moved was just naturally in my nature. However, now, with more experience undermybelt,IdoubtedthatI’deverreallybeeninlove with her.
I had love for Tera, and always would. But there were never any major sparks between us. She didn’t drive me wild conversationally or sexually. She was just a pretty face, who I’d chosen at the time. Then she had my first baby, and those circumstances dictated our relationship. And had she not had my kids, then we probably would’ve never lasted as long as we had.
I had thought about it some, and I understood that I had never connected with another woman the way that I naturally meshed with Babi. Maybe it was timing, or Tera was simply never the one. I couldn’t call it, and now I just wanted everybody happy. In different ways. I realized that I couldn’t keep apologizing to Tera about how I treated her in the past, because there were only so many ways that I could show her that I was sincere, without violating my relationship.
I was trying to be a good baby’s daddy, but it was becoming apparent that Tera wanted me to move mountains, like I was still her man. And I knew that if I wanted Babi, then I couldn’t allow Tera to fully have her way.
“Look, Tera, calm down,” I coaxed. “I aint trying to argue. I’m just trying to find a peaceful way to co-parent with you, without dismissing your feelings. But we can’t do that, if you keep rehashing promises that I made when we was together. I’m not obligated to keep those promises, because I’m not your man—”
“But you could be, though,” she offered, as she stepped up to me.
“Whoa.” I stepped back. “What are you doing?”
