“Well, get up. Give me a hug.” He held his arms out. I shook my head.
He frowned. “No?” I nodded.
“Man, you—” He stopped midsentence. “Wait a minute.” He reached down and palmed my belly. “What is this?”
My heart rate sped up. “Babies, Too Low.”
He jerked his hand back like my belly was hot. “Babies? With a S?”
“Yes,” I responded meekly.
Icouldhearhisbreathing,ashestoodsayingnothing.
Feelingemotionallyoverwhelmed,tearssproutedfrommy eyes.
“Branch,haveaseat,”ablackmalecorrectionalofficer commanded.
Stoically, Too Low sat opposite of me.
Foragoodfiveminutes,wesatthereawkwardly,saying nothing.
Eventually, he cleared his throat. “So, are just gonna sit there and cry?”
I sniveled. “What else you want me to do?”
He angrily curled his lips, and leaned forward. “Tell me how thefuckthis happened.”
I sighed. “You’on want that.”
He frowned. “How the fuck are you gonna tell me what the fuck I want? Huh?”
“Cause,” I inhaled, as a few more tears slipped from my eyes. “Come on, Babi. Don’t sit there acting like you can’t talk. This
shit has gone too far. You sitting there fucking pregnant. So, don’t mince your words now. Tell me what the fuck happened. Cause Ion wanna spend another night, overthinking, wondering what I did. At least put me out of my misery. Tell me what happened.”
I took a deep breath. “Well, first of all…I don’t wanna do the blame game. Or act like you deserved what happened. Because that’s definitely not the case. And I apologize for what I did. I was wrong.”
Hisnostrilsflared,ashenodded.“Butthatnigga—”
“No.” I shook my head. “Don’t do that. Cause it really aint about him.”
His scowl deepened. “Oh, it aint?”
“No.” I licked my lips. “Whatever the issue was…started before I laid eyes on him.”
“What chu mean?”
I sighed. “You remember the first time I asked you when you was gonna stop hustling?”
He briefly paused. “Yeah, I remember.” “And do you remember what you said?”
He exhaled. “I said that I’d probably trap til I die.”
“Right.” I nodded. “And you meant that. But that was a legit question on my end, because I was growing up, and was ready for something different. Still, I never came down too hard, because I used to be right there with you, cool with the shit. So, I didn’t wanna switch up, and make wild demands. But I started being intentional about making my own money. I wanted you to see that we could live a normal life, comfortably. Buy a house. Adopt some kids. Leave the ghetto shit behind. And then you go back to prison. I wasn’t expecting that, but wasn’t surprised at the same time. The shit is depressing, and makes you feel stagnant. It felt like the judge had sentenced us both. I cried a lot of nights. Then after you’d been in for a year, we revisited the same conversation. I asked you what you planned to do once you got out, and all you talked about was how you’d switch up your hustle. Nothing about actually quitting. That irritated me, but I let it go. Then I gradually realized that you was comfortable with this shit. You were okay with the fact that my life was stuck. In the meantime, I busied myself with reading books, trying to escape my reality. Because it was dawning on me that I no longer liked my life. So, I lived vicariously through fictional fucking characters. And you? I realized that I was living through the consequences ofyouractions. You was out in the streets, deciding to put it all on the line, and we both paid the price. Then once you were in here, you were perfectly okay with me not having a life. Would get mad if I was having too much fun without you, like I put you in here. That had me craving something different. I started daydreaming about a different life. Started asking myself how would I be living if I’d chosen a different type of dude. Had mewishing that I had a differentlife.Andthat’swhatleftmeopentoanotherman.
Almost like I just needed a vessel. That had nothing to do with Face having money or nothing else. I used to have on rose tinted glasses when it came to you. Couldn’tseeanother man. But I snapped to reality, realizing that you wasn’t going to change, while I had already changed. And that’s how it happened.”
“Damn.” Too Low swallowed hard, as tears clouded his eyes, before he quickly wiped them away. “If you was feeling that way, then why didn’t you just come to me?”
