“But I’m hungry,” I whined, while he pulled me upstairs. “I was about to grab breakfast.”
“I’llDoorDashwhateveryouwant.”
Whenwemadeitupstairs,Ipaused.“So,you’regonnado whatever for me not to walk out that door, huh?”
“Pretty much,” he claimed, as he tugged me along. Together we moseyed back to the bedroom.
“Come on, let’s lay down,” he yawned, while removing my clothes.
Blinking my eyes, I was realizing that I’d been hoodwinked into staying home. That nigga basically undid everything I’d just done, as he had me butt naked on my back, in bed, with his head between my legs.
With the stillness of the morning, his tongue swishing over my clit could distinctively be heard. Loudly, he slurped and sucked, causing my eyes to roll into the back of my head. Then abruptly he stopped.
Instantly, my head popped up to see what was going on. He was staring at me.
“Where the fuck was youreallygoing? “I told you,” I whined.
He shook his head, before he flicked his tongue over my clit. Never breaking our eye connection…then he lifted his head again.
“Don’t fucking lie to me.”
“I’m not,” I whimpered. “Why did you stop?” “Cause. I need you to hear and understand me.” “Okay.” I panted, as my breasts heaved up and down.
“Don’t ever get up ‘round this muthafucka. On a Saturday morning, and think that you finna leave this house without me. You aint going to see that nigga—”
“Butthatwasn’tmyintentions—”
“Yeah, that’s what ya mouth say, but you heard what the fuck I said.”
Allowing my head to fall back, I accepted that this was a debate that I wasn’t going to win. “Okay, daddy. I hear you.” I reached down, gripping the back of his head. “Now, finish what you started.”
I think that I was experiencing imposter syndrome, because I was really struggling to grasp that this was my life.
From the beginning, Too Low was supposed to be the one. I never thought that I’d be doing anything differently, and I definitely didn’t think that I’d ever fall in love with another man, nor have his baby. But this was now my life.
Honestly, deciding to completely live in my truth had been freeing. I had been moving weirdly to preserve myrelationship with Too Low, and now there were no more restrictions. After, I’d
invited my mama, my brother, my cousins, and my auntie over, they continued to come by every Sunday. And now I felt complete, no longer having to keep my worlds separate.
That alone was great, until we went to the doctor and got the shock of our lives. I was already three months pregnant with twins. And that had me in tears again. Because it was like all my dreams were coming true. And that brought about extreme anxiety.
My life with Too Low had been okay. We’d made the most out of whatever we had. But we never really arrived. The closest we’d gotten to it was when we’d moved into a house for a few years. However, in that situation, we were doing just enough to pay the bills and buy a few fts. We weren’t balling, for real. But being from the ghetto, we couldn’t see that. Too Low had been putting his freedom on the line for no more than what some men made at a decent job, and that was truly sad, once you really thought about it.
And now, I was with Face, living in the lap of luxury. I didn’t have to work or do odd jobs. Even cooking and cleaning wasn’t demanded of me, because he literally had a cleaning service coming in three days a week. He also had an on-call chef. So, there was never any pressure on me doing any heavy lifting. I’d wash a few dishes, make a bed, or clean a tub, at the most. Then I could go to the mall and buy whatever my heart desired, because Face was a true provider, although that muthafucka was pretty enough to have women tricking on him.
This was the life. And sometimes I feared that the rug would be snatched right from underneath my feet, because nothing ever came this easy in my life.
“Did you handle that?” Face spoke into his phone, while I rode in the passenger’s seat of his Lam truck.
We were supposed to be headed to grab something to eat and
was I becoming a tad bit irritated, as his phone had been ringing nonstop.
I think now more than ever, I was ultra-aware of the fact that Face sold drugs. When I was confused about what I wanted, I never came at Face too hard about what he did in the streets. Because in my eyes, I didn’t have the right. Plus, I knew that I would seem hypocritical, seeing as how I’d been with Too Low. However, things were changing, and I had never been passive.
I didn’t like what Face did, but I found myself holding back on my thoughts, because I didn’t really know how deep the rabbit hole went. With Too Low, I was probably more involved than a spouse should be. I knew his connect. Would sometimes give him the money to flip to pay the bills. Hell, I’d even taken a few road trips with him to pick up dope, crossing state lines, and shit. So, I knew that if Too Low ever decided to stop hustling, then he could just stop. The cartel or nothing else would come after him. But the stakes changed drastically if you were hustling in the big leagues.
I knew that Face was his own boss, but I didn’t know the semantics with his operation. I didn’t know if he got consignment. Or if he owed people. I didn’t want to put pressure on him, without knowing how things could potentially pan out. Or have some muthafuckas snatching me and the kids up, holding us for ransom.
