“What’sthat?”Sheasked,ashereyesweretrainedonthe
floor.
“Why was you fighting ole girl?”
She nodded her head, gesturing at the Windex she’d placed on the coffee table. “Grab that for me.”
Nodding, I grabbed the Windex like she asked. She then handed me some paper towels. Going into auto pilot, I proceeded to spray, before wiping down the coffee table.
“Okay, it’s like this,” she sighed, before proceeding with mopping. “The girl Chell got three kids. I sometimes babysit her kids. Her daughter adores me, and I adore her daughter. Anyway, her daughter got a little excited, and accidentally knocked over Chell’s cup of drank. Then Chell picked that baby up by her hair.”
I paused. “You bullshitting? This happened outside?”
“Yep. You was outside, but I’m sure that there was too much going on around you to see all that,” Babi guessed. “Anyway, I tried to step in, feeling like Chell was going too far. Whether it was her child or not.”
“Right.”
“Yeah, so I grabbed Nini, and told Chell to let her hair go. She said that she wouldn’t, and it just went from there.”
“And you beat her ass all down the sidewalk.” She shrugged. “Basically.”
Now knowing that, I totally saw why she’d done what she’d done, and wasn’t mad at her about it. More people needed to stand up whenever they saw kids being mistreated, versus standing back and doing nothing. But…I couldn’t tell her that.
“That’scrazy.”
“It really is,” she agreed. “The funny part about it is that she came to my house and apologized the next day. She claimed that she was just high and tripping.”
I furrowed a brow. “And what did you say?”
“I told her that she needed to get her shit together. Then I told her what was on my mind, cause there was some shit that should’vebeenaddressed.”
“Like what?”
She sighed. “Like she needs to tighten up on her parenting, period. Her baby has some self-esteem issues, and I feel like that’s her fault.”
I curiously tilted my head. “How is that?”
“Because Chell is insecure, and she’s never dealt with her own shit. So, she fills her baby’s head up with bullshit. Telling that girl that she shouldn’t be cool with the light skinned little girls, because they think that they’re all that. Because people think that they’re prettier, and they’re always gonna make sure that she’s put last in everything. I think that Chell’s grown ass really believes that she’s telling the truth. Not realizing that while she sees it as telling her child not to trust those little girls, she’s really telling her child that she’s not as attractive as those other girls. It’s a competition. It could cause her baby to feel unnecessary jealousy towards other little girls, while she’s not focusing on her own positive attributes. I always tell people that comparison is the thief of joy. And she’s supposed to give those kids words of affirmation.”
Listening intently, I was pleasantly surprised. Her conversation
was loaded with everything I hadn’t expected in the best kind of way.
“It’s honestly frustrating,” she carried on. “And it’s one of the biggest elephants in the room with our community. It’s so many of us who are programmed to do shit, because society says that we should. Nobody is considering the bigger picture. You got all these emotionally unintelligent women having kids for all the wrong reasons. They’re worried about how the hair is. How dark are the ears. The baby tying them to whatever nigga. Meanwhile, they can’t teach these kids shit. Don’t wanna be bothered with them half the time. And hate being a mama once that nigga don’t want them no more. The universe is fucked up like that. Bitches who are always too selfish to put their kids first can pop out a baby if you look at them for too long. Then you got…”
“Then you got what?” I quizzed, totally tuned in.
She sighed and shook her head. “This is probably TMI. But you got women like me. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get pregnant. I love kids, and would give a baby the world, but it just won’t happen for me. So, I gotta just accept that I’ll probably always be the auntie of the family. Down to babysit and shit.”
“Damn, baby. Sorry to hear that. Your doctor told you that you couldn’t have babies or something?”
She paused, and bit the corner of her lip. “Not exactly. My doctor would always say that there was nothing wrong with me, as far as she could tell. But she would also stress that if I’m having unprotected sex during ovulation, constantly, and nothing never happens, then something aint right. And after a while the conversation turned to conducting tests, and taking medicine. Going to a fertility specialist.”
“So,youdidthat,right?”
She shook her head. “Nope. I read too many books and watch toomanymovies.Iknowexactlyhowthatplaysout.Fertility
issues destroy relationships. Deteriorates self-esteem. Women become too consumed with getting pregnant. Nothing else matters. Then it’s expensive. So, after thinking about it, I decided to leave that in God’s hands. I’m not about to lose my mind, just because I can’t have kids. There’s other ways to find fulfillment. Plus, I can always have God kids, or maybe even adopt one day.”
