“You’re exactly where you belong, Connor,” she said, somehow knowing what it was he needed to talk about.
“Am I?I used to be sure, but now… what if this was never who I was meant to be?”
“You’re who you chose to be.That’s why you’re upset,” she corrected.“You think you chose wrong.”
“And if I did?”
“You can only choose your path forward, Connor.Stop living with regrets.”
Is that what he was doing?Refusing to let go?
“The only thing different about your time on the mountain was that you weren’t weighed down by your past,” Daya said.“You were just you.Your inherent self.It’s still there.You’re just letting it be buried under all the rest.”
“I don’t know if I’m strong enough to live without you.”
“Of course you are.”Daya’s hand caressed his face with a gentle stroke.“Opal needs you to, so that’s exactly what you’ll do.That’s not a real concern, and you know it.At least be honest with yourself.”
Connor laughed softly and kissed the palm she held to his face.“You’re not going to go easy on me, even in my dreams, are you?”
“Why would I?”Her brown eyes met his in complete seriousness.“It wouldn’t do you any good.You need to be strong right now.Not soft.Coming to me would be running away from your responsibilities.Your pain.That’s not acceptable.”
She was right about that.He wasn’t being entirely honest with himself.Had been blocking the well of pain.It had worked while they were investigating, but now that they were done, ready to move forward, it was tearing him up again.Threatening to cut off his oxygen.His very heartbeat.
He was looking for a reason to run so that he didn’t have to stay and fight.Hannelore would surely kill him for such selfish audacity.But he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to fight the battle being staged.
“How do I arrest someone I genuinely love?”He choked on the question he had yet to voice.“Because despite the betrayal, I still love her.Alison is still my guardian.My family.The bond isn’t broken.It’s still there.I feel the connection with every breath, and it’s destroying me that I’ll be the one to sever it.”
“Cass, the others.They could handle it for you.”
They could, but he couldn’t allow it.He let his head drop back to the rock wall behind him.“No.It has to be me.I’ll never move past it if I don’t.”
“If you already know what you need to do, then why I am here?”
He turned his head along the rock to look at her.Bathed in beautiful moonlight as she mirrored his position, Daya tipped her head to look back at him.
“To give me strength.Hope.”His serious words devolved into a smile.“Maybe some kisses.”
“Maybe.”Daya’s brown eyes danced with mirth.“But you’ll have to come get them.”
Sliding off the ledge, she swam into the deeper water, drifting toward the center of the pool.Her arms made graceful movements as she floated, waiting for him.
Following her, he let the cool water surround him and headed toward her.The closer he got, the more fog swirled into existence, blocking out her image.
His heart began to ache as the edges of his vision darkened, shrinking the dream smaller and smaller.
Sighing at the familiar shift, Connor leaned his head back to look at the sky.Darkness filled the space, the fog broken up by occasional sparkles that matched the rainbow hues of the rock in his palm.
The fog swirled and dissipated as the sound of footsteps infiltrated his meditation.Assuming it was Alayna returning since only a few moments had passed, he continued his breathing.Each repetition steadied him, gave him strength.Finally opening his eyes, he turned around to see his guardian sitting on a bench, watching him.
“Alison,” he said, surprised.
“Hello, my soul-son.I think it’s time we talked.”
Chapter 32
Alisonsatonthestone bench beneath the trees, thick blonde hair braided back in her usual style.Nothing about her indicated she was any different from the person she’d always been.
“I haven’t been able to get you alone since you’ve been home.Every time I try to talk to you at Ravensmere, someone always interrupts us.Since you’ve declined all my invitations to visit my home, I decided to corner you.Seemed the only way to get you alone, what with you avoiding me.”
