“Will you allow me to check you?”
“No.” Maybe if she weren’t pale and exhausted from using magic and her body wasn’t a mass of bruises from the river. Maybe.
The map and the stones were tools, physical things he could handle. Her giving nature, exhausted and still trying to pour her lifeforce into him and the animals? The idea of her bright glow fading as she healed someone took over his mind and choked the explanation she deserved in his throat.
He wasn’t strong enough to tell her about Avery. Not tonight. “I’m sore, bruised, and have swallowed too much water. Otherwise, all I need is sleep.”
Her back stiffened as she pulled away from him with a nod.
Kavesh.After nearly losing her in the flood his emotions were shredded, and he was letting his fears reign. He caught her hand as she stood, begging her understanding as he looked at her. “I’m not ready for you to use your magic on me yet. Especially not with you injured.”
“Alright. I’ll respect your wishes.” Her eyes heated with intensity as she met his gaze and her fingers shifted slightly to shackle his wrist. “But Rodric, you should know that if it’s ever a life-or-death situation, I’ll do whatever I think is necessary.”
He went rigid, chaotic emotions pounding through his veins as she voiced his worst nightmare. “I won’t have you give your life for mine. That is not acceptable. I want your word that you won’t ever do that.”
“You’d really rather me let you die? How can you ask that of me?” Hurt radiated from her.
“I can’t let you… couldn’t live with that. It’s akin to me taking your life. Don’t ask me to, please.”
Without waiting for a response, he lurched to his feet and ducked out into the night, his need for space and air choking him. He escaped as far as he could within shouting distance, refusing to leave her defenseless when she was in such a weak state.
Breathing deep, he tried to settle his roiling stomach. Did all healers have a death wish? Morgan’s words came back to him.“Celina’s as tenacious as they come. Best kind of woman, but good luck with that.”
Leaning against the rocks on the far side of their shelter, he let the rain soak through him. The cold hitting his skin shocked him a little, jolting his mind away from the panicked thinking and calming him slightly.
He knew he had to make peace with magic if he was ever to be whole. Ironically, it was the gentlest of magic—healing—that he couldn’t stomach. He’d actually been doing okay discussing other types with her. He just couldn’t disassociate healing magic from pain.
“Is running away a habit of yours? If so, we might need to talk about that.” Celina's shoulder pressed against his where she leaned against the rock wall.
Startled into a laugh, his tension eased. “Seems so, yes. I’m working on my issues with magic, Celina, I really am, but…”
“I know you are. But if you keep to the shallows, you’re never going to get past this.” Her quiet voice eased into the night beside him as her long hair moved along his arm. “You don’t have to respond, but hear me out, alright? Then we won’t talk about it again until you’re ready.”
“Alright.”
“Your first words to me about magic were accurate, from a certain standpoint. Magic can be dangerous… especially when linked to trauma. All those children you saw at the orphanage? Every single one of them is required to go through therapy sessions with a healer before they’re cleared to leave the Refugee Center. Trauma lingers and has huge effects on magic—from blocking it completely to making it erratic and uncontrollable. Some people, like Sam, struggle indefinitely, especially if they have too much power to contend with.
“You don’t respond to the concept of magic like someone who is morally opposed or has unbased fears. You respond like someone who has experienced trauma—fear mingled with deep pain. It’s in your eyes when you observe magic, in the way you tense and guard yourself. Even though you don’t have magic for it to affect, it has obviously still made a very deep impact.
“Emotional healing can’t be rushed, but you have a hard timeline. Brenna is going to need your support—your very vocal support—to move forward. I’ll help you, Rodric, but I can’t do that with you avoiding the hard parts.”
A heavy sigh escaped him, and he stared into the night, clean water falling into his eyes from the sky above. Logically, he knew she was right. Time was one thing he didn’t have a lot of.
Lightningcracked,illuminatingthescattered contents of the pack Rodric was reorganizing. The storm they’d tried to outrun when crossing the river had proven to be severe. Trapped inside until it mellowed out enough for them to travel safely, they were taking a day of mending for themselves as well as the animals and their gear.
Beside him, Celina sat with the osa in her lap, petting the creature with rhythmic movements. A dozen or so herbs lay before her, but she hadn’t made much progress since the furry thing had ambled over to join her. He was very much enjoying her attention, making soft, contented sounds as she petted him.
“Brenna always wanted an osa,” Rodric said.
“I did too. So much so, my mother used to call me her osaletta.”
Little osa.He could easily imagine a young Celina trying to coax a little white snow osa into becoming her pet. The thought made him smile.
“It’s hard to remember they’re wild the way that one is curled in your lap.”
The osa’s tail swished, as if he knew they were discussing him. Wiggling, he turned to rub his head against Celina’s leg with a chortling sound. Little bits of white fur marked his cheeks, nose, and ears since he wasn’t using his camouflage ability. The rest of his fur was a marbled red and brown that darkened down his legs and belly. Even without shifting his fur color, he would naturally blend quite well with the Eldrin forest.
A particularly vibrant rumble of thunder made Celina flinch again. Closing up the pack he’d been working on, Rodric moved to sit beside her. He pressed his leg alongside hers and wrapped an arm around her.
