I drop my legs a tiny fraction and my knees thump into the sandy seabed. Relief and shock splinter through me and I put one palm flat down, the other still clinging to him for safety. My head stays out of the water, my mouth clear of the poison that is the sea. I push myself up and sit back with my bottom resting on my heels. The water laps around my waist and my chest heaves as my blouse is heavy and wrinkled and stuck to me. Every breath is sending a sharp pain shooting across my rib cage.
I’ve still got Jackson’s arm in a vice grip and a laugh bubbles up out of me. I have no idea why, because nothing about this is in any way remotely funny, but the hysterical laugh comes from the deepest part of me and before I can stop it, it morphs into a cry.
Jackson pulls me away from the shallow water and further up the beach where the waves can’t reach us. We collapse on the sand and he shifts so he can pull me onto his knee. My body shudders with the cold and he wraps his arms around me.
‘I thought I was going to die.’ My breath is coming in gasps and my chest still has a vice grip around it.
‘You nearly did. What the hell were you doing in the sea, Ellie? Especially in weather like this. You were going to get yourself killed.’
Almost as if the weather agrees with him, there’s a low rumble of thunder to add to the rain that stings as it’s whipped into my face by the wind. I’m shuddering from head to toe and I’m freezing. Jackson pushes my dripping-wet hair away from my eyes so we can look at each other and my insides jolt at his gentle touch.
‘I’m sorry,’ I stutter. My teeth are clashing together so hard I’m trying to avoid biting my tongue. ‘I tried to save her. I couldn’t reach her.’ I close my eyes at the memory of Tippi’s wiry fur brushing against my fingertips.
‘Who? What are you talking about?’
‘Tippi.’ I choke back another sob. ‘I tried to grab her before she went in, but I missed and …’
‘God, Ellie.’ He squeezes me, his arms tightening around me. ‘She’s here.’ He rocks us both to the left and I look. The little black dog is standing there, her tail up and head tilted as she studies us.
‘But how?’ My voice pitches in surprise. ‘I saw her go under.’
‘She’s great in the sea and three legs obviously doesn’t hinder her.’ He presses his face into my hair and kisses my temple. ‘You were insane going into the sea in this weather to go after Tippi. But thank you.’ He folds himself around me and we sit in silence as the wind whips around us and the rain continues to pour.
I’m not sure how I feel about his touch. Part of me yearns for it and I want to press myself into him, so we become one. The other half of me doesn’t want this to be the last time and when he’s over the fright I gave him, he’ll revert to despising me and I don’t want to be here when that happens.
I push myself free of his arms and stiffly wobble to my feet.
‘Can you manage?’ he says, getting to his feet a lot more elegantly.
‘Yes.’ I nod, but as soon as I take a step, my legs buckle under me and Jackson has to catch me before I hit the sand.
‘Obviously not,’ he says gently and puts an arm around my waist and one under my knee and scoops me up against his chest.
His body is solid, but he’s as wet and cold as me, so there’s no warmth in his embrace.
‘You can’t carry me all the way home,’ I mutter into his chest. ‘I’m too heavy.’
‘Don’t be daft.’ He begins walking, carrying me with ease.
My legs are too weak to get me anywhere under my own steam and for now, I’m at his mercy. I close my eyes in resignation and give into the rolling rhythm of his strides.
I must have zoned out, because he stops walking a lot quicker than I’d expected. He puts me down gently in front of my front door and his hands hover around me as if he’s expecting me to crash to the floor again. I plant my feet to get my balance and my whole body shakes without him to steady me, but I stay upright.
Jackson opens the door and Tippi has no hesitations in trotting straight in before both of us. I follow her and Jackson shuts the door behind us. He ushers me to sit down at the kitchen table while Tippi hops up onto my couch and lies down. I’m shuddering from head to toe and I’m freezing.
‘I’m going to find you something to change into.’
The rain is coming down as hard as ever, splattering off the windowpanes, and the room feels dark and gloomy. He comes back, his arms full of towels and clothes that he puts on the table.
‘Take your clothes off,’ he says, pulling me to my feet. ‘You’re freezing.’ He picks up a towel, ready to hand it to me.
My brain is dazed and on automatic pilot and I try to open my buttons, but my fingers are numb and stiff and I can’t get them to work properly.
‘Here.’ He loops the towel over his arm and methodically opens the buttons down the front of my blouse. He peels the scarlet sopping fabric off my shoulders and down my arms. Once it’s off, he flings it into the sink where it lands with a plop in a soggy mess.
I wrap my arms around myself again. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m embarrassed standing here in my bra or whether it’s a survival tactic because I’m so cold.
He reaches behind me and the breath catches in the back of my throat. His arms are wrapped around my body and his chest is millimetres from my nose. I strain to stay perfectly still as he deftly undoes my bra. In different circumstances, I’d have been impressed at how he managed it with such ease. But right now,all I can think of is that I’m going to be standing here, top half naked in the middle of my kitchen.
