I flash her a look. I don’t want an altercation here, today. It’s tense enough as it is.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to speak for you,’ says Reeni, staring at the floor.
‘I’m fine, thanks,’ I say to Aaron, motioning towards my still half-full tumbler. The word vodka might have kick-started my heart rate, but it’s now continuing to thump wildly in my chest.
Aaron squeezes his wife’s hand and gives her a gentle kiss on the cheek before sitting down opposite Jackson to start upa conversation with him. It looks like a definite tactic to leave Reeni and me alone.
‘I hate this, Ellie.’ Reeni’s voice is barely above a whisper. ‘I don’t know how not to be friends with you. I’m sorry. I should never have nagged you about talking to Jackson.’
I stand so we’re on the same level. I’m still wary. I want more than anything for this to be behind us, and it wasn’t only Reeni at fault that put us here. I’m going to have to open up too.
‘I was horrible to you, too. I shouldn’t have stuck my nose in.’
Reeni’s hands jerk, her fingers splayed wide. ‘No, let me say this. You were right. I was self-obsessed and ruining my own family in the process. I didn’t want to see it.’ Her eyes are full of tears and I want to fold her into a hug. ‘I’ve been even worse to live with since we fell out. Aaron made me sit down and talk.’ She looks over gratefully at her husband, who is chatting away with Jackson. ‘He gave me some perspective on the whole thing and I actually listened to him this time. And then Milo came to ask him if he’d recommend the Lilypad, and it smacked me in the face how short life really is.’ She shifts awkwardly from one foot to the other. ‘Can we put this behind us?’
‘Oh God, Reeni.’ I wrap my arms around her and cling to her like a limpet to a rock. I’m infinitely grateful when I feel her reciprocate.
‘It wasn’t just you. I was oversensitive and pig-headed and it never should have blown up the way it did. I’d always be thrilled for you if you got pregnant. I was doing anything to avoid listening to the sense you were talking, so I lashed out.’ The tips of my ears are burning. ‘Can we agree that we were both idiots?’
She gives me a glimmer of a smile. ‘Yes, please.’
‘Hey, everyone. We’re here.’ Milo’s voice carries across the beer garden. He’s pushing Sophie in her wheelchair. ‘Is it hot or is it me?’ He’s almost panting when he comes to a stop and he rests his hand on his mum’s shoulder.
‘It is a bit muggy. We need a storm,’ I say.
‘Hi, Mum. How’s your chauffeur?’ says Jackson, shooting Milo a wry look.
Sophie laughs. ‘I think he found every pothole going.’ She reaches up and pats Milo on the hand in good humour.
‘Right. Drinks. Who’s having what?’ says Aaron, standing.
‘Iced water, thanks.’ Sophie reaches out a hand to me. ‘Ellie can keep me company while you all go and get them.’
I sit on the seat nearest to her and smile to myself as I see Aaron reach out and hold Reeni’s hand as they walk towards the pub.
Sophie’s watching her sons. ‘Great to see them getting on,’ she says. Jackson must be teasing Milo about something as he’s pushing him on the shoulder and they both laugh.
‘So.’ She turns her attention to me. She looks brighter than the last time I saw her. There’s colour in her face that’s not due to make-up and her eyes have a new lightness to them. ‘I hear your teaching evening was a success. My friends loved it.’
‘I’m so glad they did. It was good fun.’
A breeze washes across us and Sophie closes her eyes as if to savour the moment.
‘Are you cold?’ I make a move to reach for the blanket draped over the arm of her wheelchair.
‘No. All good.’ She stares straight at me as if she’s trying to work out how to say something. ‘You and Jackson.’
She stops again and tension winds its way through my chest. The next part of this conversation could go in a million different ways.
‘I’m grateful you’ve found your way back to each other. And I think the world of you, darling girl, but I don’t think either of you are being fair to each other. Do you want a future with him?’
I can feel my brow crinkle. ‘I … er …’
‘I know that’s blunt, but I don’t have time to skirt around things anymore.’
I’m still fumbling around for an answer.
‘Can I just say this? You need to talk through what happened to go forwards. Take it from someone who’s lived longer than you. Losing a baby is something that changes you.’
