The tip of a cigarette glows red as it’s lit from the group of three girls standing in the far corner by the window. I hear the midwife’s words again, but I can hardly go over and tell her to put it out. I mollify myself by the fact I’m not going to be staying long.
I’m sure the chat in the room stops as I make my way to the darkest corner, but it soon resumes, so maybe I’m imagining it. The girl waves her fag in my direction as she says something to her friends, and they look over and laugh. I take a large gulp of my drink. This was a hideous idea. Reeni was right. So much for fitting in. I drain my cup of punch, tipping my head back to get every last drop, and wince at the tart taste.
A girl I recognise from the year above me walks over carrying a jug of pink liquid. I stand a little taller and sway to the beat of the music blasting out of the speaker in the corner, trying to look like I’m enjoying myself.
‘Want some more?’ She waves the jug at me.
I thrust my cup forwards. One more won’t hurt, surely, and these cups are tiny. She fills my cup to the brim. I take a large gulp to stop the punch spilling over the edge.
‘Oo. Is this the dress?’ She looks me up and down and reaches for the hem, stretching it away from my legs before letting it ping back. ‘Very nice. Shannon said it would show off my figure. I was going to ask to try it on, but it’s way too big.’
Cheeky cow, but before I can voice my indignation Shannon comes bowling over. I’m relieved that I’ll have a friend to talk to, instead of being stood in this corner on my own. I take another mouthful of drink. It’s beginning to slide down easily and I’m sure it’s more fruit juice than alcohol because it just tastes fruity now.
‘You look amazing, Ellie. We had a great time shopping, didn’t we?’ Her voice is loud to combat the music.
I nod and I take another couple of mouthfuls of drink, draining my cup again.
‘Here, I’ll get you another one. Lush, isn’t it?’ Shannon grabs my cup and beetles off.
A tune starts up and a girl in an impossibly short electric-blue dress whoops and begins twirling in the middle of the room. Two others get up and join her and swing their arms and bodies around sexily to the music.
‘Do you like the punch? I made it myself,’ says Taz, pushing me in the ribs. She pushes her boobs out and shakes like a peacock. ‘Do you want to dance?’ She nods to a group of girls all from my English class.
‘I suppose so.’
I shuffle towards the girls on the makeshift dance floor. I can’t dance so close my eyes and begin swaying to the music in my uncoordinated fashion. It’s freeing and I forget all about being pregnant and fat and uncomfortable and let my arms fly around me to the beat.
‘Oi. This is yours.’
I open my eyes to Shannon thrusting a full plastic cup towards me. I can’t dance holding a full cup, so I take a gulp and then look around me for somewhere to put it. The room seems to swim a little as I try to find a table. I can’t see any, so the safest thing is to drink the rest of the punch and then put the empty cup somewhere. Taz sniggers and looks like she’s about to say something, but I swing away from her, head back, arms out, as another tune starts up filling the room. It’s starting to feel nice to be at a party with everyone. I sidestep and my platform shoe tips over sending me staggering sideways. Bloody heels. I should have worn flats. Before I can think about whether I want another drink Taz has pushed one into my hand.
‘No, I think I’ve had enough,’ I say. My legs do feel a bit fuzzy.
‘Don’t be a wuss. It’s full of fruit and vitamins and shit. You’ll be right.’
I don’t want to annoy her. After all she did invite me over to dance with them all. I take the drink and lean against the wall, giving my legs a break from having to hold me up.
Wanting to rejoin the dancing, I down half the cup and put it down on the coffee table which has been pushed up against the wall to make way for the dance floor, except I miss and it tumbles off onto the floor. ‘Whoops,’ I say with a giggle.
‘Game time,’ shouts out Shannon, walking into the room waving a bottle of vodka in one hand and Coke in the other. ‘Fuzzy Duck. Who’s in?’
Everyone begins to sit in a circle on the floor and I feel sick. I’m struck by the fact I think I’ve drunk too much and the thought of sitting down on the floor is hideous. I think it’s time to go back to Reeni. And it’s the perfect time as I’ll not be noticed, they’ll all be too busy playing the drinking game. I edge towards the door.
‘Where are you going, Ellie? Get yourself sat down,’ says Taz.
‘I thought I’d better go,’ I mutter. The room is beginning to spin around me and everyone is staring.
‘Don’t be a bloody spoilsport,’ Taz shouts from where she’s sitting down, in the middle of the circle. ‘It’s not even late. I didn’t think you’d be a chicken.’
‘I’m not.’ I frown as my words slur into one. I push myself away from the doorframe and take a wobbly step forwards. I already feel like the odd one out at school, I’d do anything to avoid making that worse. If I do this one thing surely I can then get away back to Reeni?
‘I’m in,’ I declare to the group, throwing my hands wide, and they make room for me to sit in and complete the circle.
Shannon recaps the rules. ‘The words “Fuzzy Duck” have tobe said by everyone one after the other until someone decides to say “Does he?” and then the words rebound back in the opposite direction with the next person saying “Ducky Fuzz” until you get a “Does he?” again. If you get it wrong, it’s a mouthful of vodka and Coke down in one.’ She waves the bottle of vodka above her head and we all cheer.
‘I’ll start,’ says Shaz and she says the first ‘Fuzzy Duck’. It bounces around the circle and when it comes up to me, I repeat it like everyone else. It’s getting quicker and quicker and my head is beginning to spin. The girl opposite me, who’s in my maths class, says, ‘Does he?’ in a very cool fashion. The girl next to her in the electric-blue dress obviously doesn’t hear her because she says, ‘Fuzzy Duck,’ and the whole group screeches at her: ‘Drink. Drink.’
‘Hey, Em, here you go.’ Shannon has poured out a vodka and Coke into a shot glass and hands it over. Everyone thumps the floor and shouts ‘Down, down,’ as the girl tips her head back and swallows the liquid whole.
