‘Ellie …’
My name, low and gruff, melts through me. God, I’ve missed the way he says it. Like it means something to him.
He pulls his head back and I stare at his slightly parted mouth, full plump lips with a defined cupid bow, and I know I shouldn’t, but I want to kiss him. I’m not sure I’ve ever wanted anything more. His hand cups my jaw, his look molten, and his fingers move against my skin, leaving a trail of heat behind them. His touch is unhurried and exact and very different from the clumsy fumbles I remember as teenagers. This is a man who knows exactly what he’s doing. Exactly what I want. If he’s like this just before he kisses me, what hell will he be like in bed? A feeling whips through me like a tornado, shaking my insides, and it’s a stark reminder that Greg never makes me feel this way. No one does.
He leans in and I stiffen. My body is desperate for me to not interfere. Let this run its course. Let him turn me on in a way I haven’t been for a very long time. My brain, on the other hand, has hit the sensible button. I put my free hand flat on his chest and stop him coming any closer. Even so, we are still only centimetres apart and I can feel his heart beating under my palm.
‘Ellie?’ He widens the gap between us.
‘I can’t do this.’ I run my tongue around my lips. My head is a mess. The heat from his skin sears into my palm, but the pressure keeps him at a distance. ‘I’ve got a boyfriend.’
He leans back, freeing my palm. ‘I thought you said you didn’t?’ His eyes are moving back and forth across my face and I’m sure the turmoil raging inside me must be written all over it.
I’m not even sure I do have a boyfriend. But Greg and I aren’t dead in the water yet. Surely I need to finish that first or mend it? Greg’s a decent guy and he’s not going to be running off backto Australia any time soon. I hurt Jackson once. I can’t do it again.
‘It’s messy at the moment. Anyway, you have a girlfriend.’ I jut my chin out forcefully to match the tone of my words.
He takes a full step away from me now and my whole body wants to move with him, but I stay put.
‘I don’t …’
‘Hello?’ The call comes from the café and it expands to fill the tension-filled space between us. ‘Is anyone there? Helllooo.’
Relief floods through me. ‘I need to get that.’ And without waiting for Jackson to answer, I practically run out of the kitchen.
With the customer gone, I lock the café door and flip the sign to closed before walking very slowly back to the kitchen. My head is dizzy from the short breaths I’m taking. I’ve tried to get my head around what I’m going to say to him, but to be honest I haven’t a clue. Explain that we’re not good for each other? There’s too much past to deal with? I pause in the kitchen doorway before pushing open the door. The silence that greets me is eerie. My eyes sweep the space. He’s gone. I sag against the door, my hand curling around the wooden frame to keep me steady. He’s definitely not here and I don’t really blame him. There’s a piece of paper on the worktop secured by my bottle of lavender kitchen cleaner. I wade towards it and it shakes in my hand as I read it.
Mum called. Had to dash. J x
Chapter Twelve
The snot is dripping down my top lip and I swipe the cuff of my jumper across my face to mop it up, along with the tears that have been flowing freely. My head is thumping from last night’s crying when I made the decision. It’s taken gallons of ice-cold water to make my face look normal this morning, only for me to go and ruin it and start crying all over again.
The bell tinkles and Lil, my regular, walks through the door holding her plastic green-and-red shopping bag, which I know will have her sudoku book in. I had to tell Jill this morning that she no longer had a job, although I don’t think she minded as she already has a new job lined up to start next month. Now seeing Lil might push me over the edge. I grind my teeth together to keep my wooden smile in place.
‘Hello, love. Usual please, with a cookie if you’ve got one. I think I’ll sit outside since it’s so lovely.’
‘Lil, I’m sorry. We’re not open anymore.’ I nod towards the closed sign still swinging in the door. ‘I’ve had to close the café.’
‘Oh, love. No.’ She reaches out and squeezes my arm. ‘You do look peaky.’
I stand, pushing my shoulders back. ‘I’m good, but I’d never forget my best customer. Hang on a minute.’ I disappear into the kitchen and reappear a minute later holding a box of English Breakfast teabags that I wrapped up in a bright red bow last night. ‘These are for you.’
‘I can’t take them.’ She tries to push them back towards me.
‘You absolutely can. It’s the least I can do. And if you take them to the Camper Café by the library, they’ll keep them behind the counter for you whenever you want a cup. And you should try their ice cream sundaes while you’re doing your puzzles. You won’t be disappointed, promise. Tell Milo I sent you. He’ll look after you.’
I walk her to the door and wave her off as Reeni’s car pulls up.
‘You’ve forgotten to turn the sign,’ she says, flipping it over toCome On Inas she walks into the café.
I screw my eyes shut. ‘You need to turn it back.’
‘Have the pipes gone again?’ She looks around her as if she’s about to see a tidal wave of water heading in her direction. ‘I can get Aaron back to fix them.’
I shake my head. ‘I’m done. I told Jill this morning. I can’t open anymore.’
‘What? Forever? No, Ellie.’ Reeni pulls out a chair to sit opposite me. ‘What are you going to do?’
