There was something impersonal about ringing a doorbell.
I wanted to touch the door, the symbol of all the boundaries that had been put up between us. I wanted him to hear my sound and immediately know that it was my knuckles rapping on the wood.
I wanted to touch something that belonged to him. Something he interacted with every day.Him.
I wanted him to come rushing to the door, breathless and excited.
And then… I didn’t know.
A hug? Tears? A kiss?
And how I would react to any of this, I simply didn’t know. The entire journey from London Heathrow, I keptthinking about what I was going to say. I only managed to list what I shouldn’t say.
I forgive you. I love you. I need you. I missed you.
Even if they might all be true.
Answers. I was here for answers. Though I could have questioned him over the phone.
The truth. I wanted to look him in the eye while I learned the truth.
I would freeze if I stayed out here much longer. I hitched up my bag on my shoulder, pulled off the glove on my hand, and knocked thrice.
34
Chapter 34
Zoltán
“Okay, it’s slightly different for certain words. Let’s practice what we’ve learned.”
Marnie pointed to each word individually as I sounded them out.
She was back to speaking only in Hungarian when directing me. But I liked it. It meant that I was immersing myself more.
“Though, thought, through, tough, cough, bough.They all look the same, but they sound completely different.”
I hated hearing my accent twist around the words. I took my time, and Marnie was patient, despite how young she was. Her painted fingernail tapped on each word again whenever I got it wrong. “Thow… tót… tru… toof… coff… bow?”
She cocked her head from one side to the other. “Closer than before. ‘Though’ has the same ending as ‘go’ and ‘tough’ rhymes with ‘stuff.’”
I groaned, leaning back on the chair at my dining table. “Why they all look same if sound like six different language?”
Marnie smiled, a little laugh slipping free. “That’s English for you. Hardest language to learn. It’s inconsistent, illogical, but, in your case… charming. One more time.”
Not charming enough. The livestream and my letter hadn’t done anything. Some days I was miserable over it, some days I was proud I’d spoken my truth, and proud of Fia for moving on.
Because she deserved the best, and that was not me.
I sounded them out. Stuff was tough. Cough was off.
“Much better.” She grinned and started to pile her papers into her satchel. “Tomorrow, you’ll have it down.”
“Down?”
“Idiom. Tomorrow you will have it perfect.”
I nodded, looking at the space where her sheet of mean, ugly words had tormented me. I would have it perfect.Soon.
