I only gestured to his mother and pressed a finger to my lips. That was enough from him.
His nostrils flared. “Zoltán. Is Fia coming?”
A utensil made a clattering noise, splattering the fish soup Mum was making. “Is she?” Mum asked.
The slow rustle of the blanket behind me made me lower my voice and shuffle away. “I doubt it.”
Imre sighed with relief, and he was lucky I didn’t stab him with a candy-cane. That was his daughter.
Not that he should have the privilege of being her father.
I hauled myself up and tried to casually leave the room out into the garden, shutting them all into the house.
Bodri had followed me. When he sat beside me, I tried to usher him inside. “Come on,wigglebutt,it’s too cold for you.”
But like a true best friend, he refused to budge.
My garden was always a place of comfort, but it hardly cut it these days. Not when she’d put her stamp on every corner of the place.
Even the fresh, crisp air felt more like a brittle, painful cut to my sinuses than the relief it used to bring.
I needed her. Her voice. Her words.Her.
My phone trembled in my hand as I went onto my call list. It had been at least two weeks since I’d last called in a moment of weakness.
This was a moment of need.
It didn’t even ring. I was still blocked. But it gave me theoption to leave a voicemail as always.
I always stumbled, wanting to talk in English to show her my progress and how much I was trying. But I wasn’t good enough just yet.
“Hey, I’m sorry to call. Again. I… I wanted to wish you a merry Christmas. And… and I wanted to tell you I miss you and I’m so sorry. I don’t know if that’s fair to say. I don’t know what to say anymore. I just… I only want the best for you, Fia. And I understand that the best for you means—it means…” I tried to take a shaky breath, leaning against the pillar. Once, from this exact angle, I’d watched her flirt with me as she planted her vegetables. “It means that’s probably a life without me.” My voice broke, but I coughed to cover it as the door briefly rolled open behind me. “And that’s understandable. I just… I’m here. I’m always here if you’d like.” I lowered my voice so that Mum wouldn’t hear. “Merry Christmas, Fia.”
Before turning to her and letting her smile at me with pity, I got up my texts to Everly.
ZOLTÁN: Please give Fia good holiday.
A voice cut through the cold air and stopped me from pressing send.
“Was that Zsófia?” her nagyi asked. She had the blanket she’d curled up in around her. “How is her Christmas?”
“I… um, I don’t know.” I tapped the phone with the palm of one hand, then passed it to the other to do the same, building an anxious rhythm. “It went to voicemail.”
“She’s probably busy,” she said and nodded. She inhaled deeply, eyes closed, her exhale visible in the winter air. “She always liked to fill her time when she didn’t want to think.”
“You don’t have to wait outside with me,” I said, gesturing her back inside. “Let’s go in.It’s cold—”
“I love the outdoors,” she said, eyes still closed, smiling. “And if I have to listen to Benedek talk about my granddaughter again, I’ll dirty his boots and fill them with virgács. Presents be damned.”
I laughed at her threat and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, stroking her arm to warm her up. “He’s a dick.”
“He’s a piece of shit.”
I choked on my laughter. Maybe Fia’s sass wasn’t all from Everly.
“I’m waiting for you to give him what he deserves. I’m ready to cheer you on.”
“You’re a bad influence, Nagyi. I’ve got to keep the peace for Christmas.”
