“I…”I took a deep breath, eyes fixed on the blank wall between Sannier and Julian’s heads, not to look at Zoltán. “Do not interrupt me. Do not talk. Do not follow me when I leave.”Every sentence was clipped, controlled, when everything inside of me was raging. I channelled all of my energy through the fluency of my mother tongue, even if the words were cutting my throat like glass.“Everly will collect my things from your house. From this moment…”I had to regain control. This was it. There was no coming back from this.“From this moment, you are nothing to me. We are nothing.” I risked a glance at him, and it nearly unravelled me—the tears in his eyes, his mouth parted as if he had a case to argue. My voicetightened, but I kept it cool, detached, as if I were translating someone else’s anger.“You have risked your life, the life of my friends, of Luca’s. If anything had happened to him… I… fuck, I don’t even know.”I looked at my hands, holding so tightly to my thighs that I knew I’d have bruises. I just needed to hold onto something that couldn’t betray me. “You are the most selfish person I have ever known. I don’t love you. I take it all back because I never knew you to love you.”
“Fia—” he started, but I raised a finger, blinking through the tears and uncaring for the reactions of my superiors.
“No. You knew you had episodes that could lead to blackouts. To dizziness. Blurred vision. You’ve had that all this time. And you knew, didn’t you?”
“No, I swear, I didn’t—”
“He claims he didn’t know,” I told them coldly. “But I’ve seen symptoms myself. He’s brushed them off as contact lenses and other things.”
Julian sighed. “We’ll need a statement from you.”
“Yes,” I said. “I’m really sorry, but I don’t know if I can do this. Zoltán and I were friends and… This is not a position I ever foresaw myself in.”
Sannier nodded, a hint of sympathy in the sad turn of her lips. “I understand. This is news for all of us.” She gestured to the papers. “He’ll be escorted out soon and questioned once we know the bigger picture of his lies.”
Lies. He’d lied to me.
“Thank you.”
I stood and, without looking back, rushed out of the room, pretending I didn’t hear them mention how they needed Livie and that this‘couldn’t leak.’
If I saw her, I’d break if I wasn’t already broken.
I knew the track well, but I walked until I was lost and found an empty cupboard-sized room. I slunk to the floor and sobbed, staining my hands with tears. My mascara must have covered my entire face, and my throat burned with every swallow. I ripped the turul bracelet from my wrist.
How could he do this? How could I have trusted him so openly?
How could I love him?
Because I still did. My heartbeat still echoed with that deep affection, and I still wanted to see if he was okay, even if I shouldn’t care.
He’d brought this on himself.
He deserved to be thrown out.
He could have hurt Luca. Henrik.
He hurt me.
I didn’t know how long I stayed there, sobbing into the heels of my palms, crushing my eyeballs until my vision was dotted and blurred.
Somehow, I was still breathing, even if it was difficult and broken with tears.
More than anything, I wanted to hate him.
I raked my nails down my arms until my skin prickled, furious at the Lycra that kept me contained and snagged under my scraping. I needed more — to break out from it, to shed the skin he had touched and caressed and kissed. The skin that kept me linked to him.
Shallow cuts bloomed hot, tiny pinpricks of blood, and my destruction blurred with tears.
What was I doing?
I wanted to hurt things. Him.
And then exhaustion took over. I rested my head against the wall, staring up into the darkness of a room I would neverrecognise again, but for now was my only haven.
StormSprint was my world. Ciclati was my home. Veltar had been my saviour. Zoltán had been my hero.
Everything I knew was slipping through my fingers.
