“I am your darkness. I am your talent. Look at what you have made.”
Lux was sure she would be sick. She turned to face the figure fully, her steps moving steadily backward. Meanwhile, the creature stalked her the same. Its lips pulled back into a menacing sort of smile, and she could see then its gums were rotted alongside its teeth.
This is a nightmare…
But aren’t I awake?
She thought she was, but who knew for certain? She had seen this face while asleep. Perhaps this was a dream within a dream, and maybe—if she pinched herself—she would wake up. Lux did so, her nails nearly puncturing her skin, but other than gritting her teeth, nothing changed. She was still walking backward up the passageway. The apparition still mimicked her movements. If she ran, would this creature run too?
She found she didn’t want to test the theory.
“If that’s true, then I regret it. Tell me how to be rid of you.”
The figure’s smile morphed. Lux thought it looked terrifyingly pleased. “Rid of me? I am innate. Your other half. Carve me out or keep me. Either way, I am yours.”
“I don’t want to do either of those things.”
The blackened mouth bared into a snarl and shrieked, “CHOOSE!”
The creature’s scream outpitched her own. Lux leapt backward before she sprinted.
Around and around, she ran.
She saw the door. It wasn’t close enough. Her hand stretched before she even reached it. Until—finally—her fingers met stone. She spun for one last glance.
The apparition stood behind her. It smiled.
“You’re. Not. Real.” Lux whipped back and pushed. She jolted when the figure morphed beside her. When it bent to her ear.
“You’re not real,” she whimpered at the same time the creature murmured,“We’re a monster.”
And stepped into her skin.
Chapter nineteen
Luxflew.
Past Godfrey and his pile of broken dishes. Through the morning room door and along the dark corridor. She ran onto the landing, where an immortalized Alixsander Alesso could witness her heaving breaths, and then she ran down the staircase.
Lux sprinted right out of Mothlock.
Gravel shifted beneath her boots, and an autumn breeze cooled her damp scalp. She gulped heaps of fresh air and dappled sunlight before finally closing her eyes.
“You’ll be all right. You’ll be fine.” And maybe it was the combination of sea air and sun that had her believing it.
Anxious thoughts.Panic. Sometimes her brain created alternate realities in which she’d get lost navigating. This could be like that. It could be—
Lux opened her eyes to the garden. On either side of the courtyard the brambles rolled red and wild, devouring thegrounds. The only parts left alone were the stone paths and circular drive. Not even the iron fence was spared. She ran her tongue over her canines, then she turned and stared up at the manor.
It appeared as formidable as the day before, with its towering pinnacles and barred windows. The morning light hadn’t reached the crawling vines, and the flowers were closed and pointed like arrows toward the ground.
Her brow furrowed over trying to imagine a family here. Children here. And she snorted aloud at her own judgements, because she’d grown up breathing thick air and smoke. ‘Formidable’ did not matter so much, she thought, when one had the sea.
I don’t have to stay if I don’t wish to,she told herself.I can leave right now. But the words didn’t permeate her soul so much as they should. In fact, they didn’t even scratch the surface. It almost felt like she told herself…a lie.
She frowned up at the stonework. Lux couldn’t deny she felt drawn to it somehow. And maybe that would have bothered her, but it didn’t feel the same as when she’d been drawn to the devouring gallowtrees. It was softer. More embracing, less consuming.
“I feel entirely mismatched between my brain and body,” she said to the air and brambles. “This cannot be my new normal.”
