The sudden stop of the skimmer shot Gemma forward in her seat. She barely flung her hands out in time to keep from whacking her head on the inside. She was about to curse at the Kaizen when the skimmer’s engine popped, and steam rose from beneath the nose.
“Fuck me.” The Kaizen leapt out of the vehicle, flinging open the lid to the nose, and Gemma lost sight of what was happening.
Gemma stepped out of the skimmer as the Kaizen spoke to someone through her comm.
“I’m aware,” the captain said. “Send someone to pick us up. This piece of trash isn’t going anywhere. I’m sending you our coordinates.”
“How long do we have to wait?” Gemma asked.
The Kaizen glanced at her while donning a pair of black gloves. “A while,” she replied before sticking her hand into the engine.
Great. As if the ride to the temple wasn’t bad enough, now she was stuck with nothing to do for stars knew how long, with the woman who’d tortured her in the caverns beneath Zion.
Subconsciously, Gemma covered her chest, a shiver running down her spine. The memories from that day haunted her still. The Kaizen had ordered her stripped naked, had stuck an electroprod against her bare abdomen, had had her lieutenants hold Gemma’s head under water until she had barely had any breath left . . .
Without a word, Gemma retreated to her spot inside the skimmer. She leaned forward, dropping her head between her knees, and dug her fingers into her thighs.It’s over now. It’s in the past. Gemma focused on her breaths and tried to push back the horrors from that day.It’s okay—everything’s okay. She won’t hurt you again.
“It gets easier, you know,” the Kaizen said.
Gemma’s heart skipped a beat; she hadn’t heard the woman come back into the skimmer.
“What does?” Gemma asked between deep breaths after a moment of silence.
“The panic. Living with memories you wish you could purge. Eventually, you just sort of . . . coexist. You give yourself permission to cry, scream, break things—whatever. Every day, for thirty minutes, you let yourself feel. And then you focus on the tasks ahead of you and what you can accomplish and let your memories sulk in the corner while you handle the now.”
“Oh, please. Like you have feelings,” Gemma snapped before she could stop herself.
The Kaizen just snorted. “Yeah, well, when you get to my position, feelings become complications. You can’t think with your head if you’re letting your heart control your choices.”
Gemma slowly sat upright, her pulse somehow slowing. She should be bothered by her proximity to the captain, but instead, the woman’s vulnerability left Gemma confused. Obviously, the Kaizen would be able to feel emotion. Shewashuman.
Sort of.
“My son was in the Trials this year, you know,” the Kaizen continued.
Gemma’s head snapped toward the woman, her eyes widening.
“Now, imagine not being able to give a fuck about whether or not he succeeded. That’s what I mean about head over heart. I can’t do my job if I let myself care.”
The Kaizen looked at Gemma then. Her dark brown eyes were hard and clear of any tears, but there was pain behind that stare. Gemma would know that look anywhere. Had the captain cried every morning before the contestants had awoken? The thought alone made Gemma’s heart ache. Her job as a healer meant shehadto care. She couldn’t imagine living like a heartless robot in order to survive.
“Did he pass?” she asked.
The Kaizen turned her face away, clenching her jaw. “That’s privileged information. You don’t have the security clearance to know.”
Gemma sighed, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. A snippet of humanity had glowed through the Kaizen’s hardened exterior, but now the captain was back to being herself.
For hours, they sat in silence. Gemma watched optics and visualizations through the lens over her cornea and tried to take a nap. And then the Kaizen leapt from the skimmer. Gemma shut off her comm and followed suit, her heart in her throat. Were they about to be attacked?
The Kaizen stood still, her muscular arms across her chest. Gemma watched the horizon until a flash of light bounced off an object heading in their direction. The last time she’d seen something similar was the day they’d faced off against the slinger, when Imara had crashed into the boulder and Gemma had nearly been obliterated by the creature’s neon-green, acidic bile.
Her head swiveled as she flicked her gaze between the captain and the slinger. Why was the Kaizen so relaxed? She should be preparing for a fight.
Gemma hurried to the skimmer and whipped out her rifle. Fire killed it, but she could distract it long enough for the Kaizen to make a move. She had to have something in her arsenal.
The Kaizen spied the firearm and whacked the weapon so hard that it almost flew out of Gemma’s hands.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” the Kaizen roared.
