She swallowed, still unable to meet his eyes. “The Kaizen took me and that other girl to a...room.” She couldn’t say torture chamber. “She held a gun to our faces, convinced one of us was working with the Dissent.”
Christian’s nostrils flared, his hold on her hand tightening.
“The Kaizen got pulled away in the middle of the interrogation, so I came up with a plan that would allow the two of us to escape. But it failed, and the other girl died.” Gemma shook her head. “She hadn’t wanted to do it, but I convinced her. She would still be alive if it weren’t for my stupid idea.”
“No”—Christian tucked his finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him—“if you hadn’t done something, you both would be dead.”
“Well maybe that’s what I want.” Gemma snapped her mouth shut, but the words had left her before she’d even processed them. Her eyes grew wide alongside Christian’s.
Is that what I really want?Once upon a time, it had been. But now, she had a mission to fulfill, a purpose.
Yet, she was so tired of death. Her parents. Her sister. And now, she’d forever be scarred by the image of Moriah’s dead body lying atop the woman who’d killed her.
Gemma could still smell the metallic scent of Moriah’s blood, see the puddle of it spreading across the stone floor, feel the shock of pain shoot through her body when her knees hit the ground.
“Tell me you don’t really want that.” Christian interrupted her memory, his voice pleading. His hands had fallen beside him, and he stared at her with pained eyes.
Gemma didn’t respond. What could she say? Her entire being hurt as if she’d been sucked into the vacuum of space, each atom of her body collapsing in on itself.
He cupped Gemma’s head between his hands. “Listen to me,” he said, pinning her to the spot. “What happened with the Kaizen was not your fault. You tried to save the two of you. That’s bravery, not cruelty. Do not give in to the thoughts that try to convince you otherwise.”
Gemma’s chin quivered. Her mind was so jumbled. She wanted to believe him, but it stillwasher fault. If she’d owned up to being part of the Dissent, Moriah would still be alive. But she’d chosen to save her own skin so she could keep fighting to avenge her sister, so she could kickstart the revolution that saved her people.
And an innocent person had paid the price.
“Do you believe me?” Christian asked, running his thumb across her jawline. The touch was so genuine, so gentle, that her heart skipped a beat.
Gemma wanted to shake her head, but that would only prompt more questions from him that she wouldn’t—couldn’t—answer. So, she just nodded, avoiding his gaze.
Christian angled her chin, and she finally looked at him. His eyes were full of so much concern that her heart pinched. Why he cared so much about her, she didn’t understand.
But she was grateful he did.
“You’re not alone, Gemma,” he whispered softly, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
The walls around her heart crumbled. She’d so desperately wanted to hear those words since Nadine left her, waving goodbye at the entrance to Perileos. Gemma had been so lonesome for so long.
Trying to stop falling for Christian was no longer an option.
She’d just hit the ground.
Without hesitation, Gemma pressed her lips against his. They were warm and soft, and the masculine smell of aftershave was still fresh on his cheeks. A tingle spread from her lips into her chest.
She pulled away, sitting bolt upright, her cheeks burning like fire. “I’m so sorry.”
“Why?” The other corner of his mouth rose, and then his fingers were behind Gemma’s slender neck, urging her toward him.
She couldn’t stop the small noise that escaped when Christian’s mouth pressed against hers. His kiss was so deep and passionate that her entire body flooded with warmth.
She placed a hand on his knee to steady herself, and when he lifted his lips off hers, it took Gemma a moment to remember how to breathe.
Gemma barely slept, and when she did, nightmares jolted her awake in a cold sweat. Every time she drifted off, she saw her own lifeless body draped over the Kaizen. A harrowing scream would break out of her as her guts burst through her spine, and Gemma would snap awake each time, rubbing her hands over her stomach, fighting the vomit that threatened to escape. By the time the morning siren wailed, and the lights flicked on, she was even more exhausted than when she’d lain down.
Gemma winced as she forced herself to sit upright, every muscle in her body sore. Her dark brown hair clung to her neck and forehead in a wild mess, and her pale arms were red and blotchy from the night’s anxiety.
She squeezed her eyes closed and sucked in a deep breath. Today was going to be awful.
Slowly, Gemma descended her ladder, wishing she could call in sick from the Trials. But this wasn’t a job, and she couldn’t rest for one moment if she was to complete her mission.
