Losing them made me realise just how damned reliant I was on my access to the bonds.
Before I could walk past Rowan, he stopped me with a hand around my waist. “Hey,” he murmured, keeping his voice low.
I swallowed thickly and met his stare. Uncertainty flared in his hazel eyes, eyes that flickered down to the collar. It was only when the uncertainty shifted to pain that I felt myself soften to him.
“I need to change, then I’ll come down,” I said quietly. “But you should show Hawk to the kitchen.”
Behind me, the half-Fae male made a sound. “I think there are more pressing matters,” he replied, stopping at my other side, his warmth making my skin prickle again.
“And what might that be?” Rowan asked, cocking his head.
For a moment, Hawk said nothing, but then, “You told me something on the island. Before I passed out. And it meant something. I felt it. I won’t make another mistake.”
I stiffened, glancing between Hawk and Rowan; the former had a stern set to his brows, eyes serious, emotions written clearly across his face. And the latter looked surprised.
“What did you say?” I asked Rowan, heart pounding.
I was almost ninety-percent certain Rowan had no idea about what’d happened between Hawk and me back in the Old World. Other than the wholeI don’t want the bondstatement Hawk made on the ship from Avalon to the Underworld, I hadn’t exactly divulged anything to anyone beyond the brief disappointment and betrayal over hearing it. I never told anyone about the kiss or the rejection, or even my plans for once we returned: finding a way to break thebond for him.
But it looked like there was somethingIdidn’t know. Something Hawk very obviously didn’t remember.
“What happened?” I asked again. “Or is this yet another thing you guys will keep from me in order to make me crazy?”
Rowan’s closed as he released a shaky breath. “Uh, no,” he said, shaking his head gently. “Not something I want to hide from you. Not something that should be hidden.”
Emotion tightened in my throat as I walked away from him and Hawk. “Then explain it to me.”
I didn’t look back at either of them as I moved through the closet and grabbed fresh clothes, dropping my towel as I did. There was little point in hiding; both knew what I looked like naked now, and I’d lost all sense of insecurity the first day we were here when they saw the scars across my back. It didn’t feel that important to hide anymore. There was a chance they would be a permanent part of me, just like Elias’s scars or the bites on Maeve’s arms. Hell, even Thor moved around freely covered in them.
I would survive these. Ihadsurvived them.
Dante ensured I could survive anything.
Behind me, Rowan cleared his throat. I felt the weight of his stare on me, of Hawk’s as well, as I pulled on a new pair of sweatpants. “My mother meddled,” Rowan started hesitantly.
“When hasn’t she?” I replied, glancing over my shoulder and meeting his stare.
He scrubbed a hand down his face, releasing a shaky breath as he did. “More than just what she did to you. Which I am so, so fucking sorry about.”
I shrugged as I pulled my shirt on, relieved when it fell over my stomach. “Nothing we can do about it now,” I said honestly, turning to them. “But how did she meddle with Hawk?”
At that, Rowan looked at the other male. I couldn’t read his expression, but Hawk at least looked a little confused, like he was trying to pull at memories he no longer had access to.
“I don’t know fully what happened, but I do know she did something to him. Hid a memory. During the diversion, Hawkjust froze. He was recovering the memory she took from him, and all he said to me was that he understood why he stayed away from you. He knew he had to sacrifice himself for thefirst.”
A chill rolled down my spine, one that had the hairs on my arms prickling and stomach turning over. “Whatfirst?”
“Orion,” Hawk muttered, staring off at nothing. “I had to be the one to die.”
I wrapped my arms around myself to stop myself from shaking. Blinking hard, I looked at Rowan. “But Ry didn’t die.”
Rowan sighed, eyes shifting between fear and concern. “Yeah. We know that now.”
“But that doesn’t make any sense,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t understand.”
“I don’t either,” Rowan replied quietly, moving to stand in front of me. “But it does explain his attitude a little better. Hawk set himself up to make sure you wouldn’t be hurt. He may not have realised it at the time, but subconsciously he made himself the bad guy so that if he did get himself killed, he wouldn’t be missed. He and my mother just never anticipated him being one of your mates. Though how she didn’t know is beyond me.”
All I could do was stare at him, then look at Hawk. There was still a hint of confusion in his dark eyes, but he met my stare evenly. “I don’t remember anything else,” he admitted quietly.
